Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Yasu]

Well, Broken. This is a serious backslid, and I agree with previous poster, you must Not have any conversation with her until this anger is in check, period.

Part of this program is giving unconditional love, without expectations - no matter if your spouse is having an affair. I will tell you, to fully carry this program out, it takes a unique, strong individual - that has endless faith, and engages the DB techniques for themselves, fully realizing their is no promise a spouse will come back. The only promise is that you will become the best spouse anyone could want - and that is all you can control, period.

Personally, I could absolutely not have a relationship with my husband if he slapped the cards on the table, and told me he is experimenting or seeing another woman. While I now know this has been the case, I would have handled things much differently over this separation. One thing for sure, I would have never met with him on those occasions.

I am willing to accept this MLC phase, but any OW makes seeing me non-negotiable. Other than a call to "Hello" call to test the water (I remain in the dark - and am willing to accept a reasonable settlement, divorce, or trial if he
brings it on). Also, If he's changed his mind, the phone call demonstrates that the door is open.

If he would contact me, and take notes here, all that would happen is that I would give a nice greeting, ask how he is, and then LISTEN CAREFULLY to everyword he says. I'd keep my personal life to myself. I would end the call early, on a good note, period.

Now, look what you did. You got into a relationship argument. Don't feel bad. I got into dozens of those, and they got ugly too. And I felt to hurt and frustrated after. I just wanted to call back again, and clarify my position.

Broken, it happens to all of us at the beginning. You are hurt, and your hurt has understandably manifest into anger. Anger never solves anything. No one can blame you for being angry. It is perfectly normal. Your wife is with another man - what man would not be angry? Next, you are going to get very depressed about this.

The DB process will help prevent you from sabotaging your self-extend as you go thru these very normal stages. Today is another day. Pick your sell up, read the 180 everyday, and do not deviate from them.

And pat close attention to the one especially that says, "do not believe anything she says, and 50% of what she does. She needs space, and you are not giving it to her. She made a rather strong threat to take action with a restraining order. If you don't back off, there is a 50% chance according to the 180 that she may take that action. She may not really want to, and may come to regret it - but why go there? Back off.

When she contacts you, all business, period.

Ask your "Cheryl" for more direction. Then before your appointment, ask yourself if you met the goals you and Ms. Cheryl set up. I am praying for you Broken. I even made a prayer in the prayer section on DB for you. I wish I had done it sooner!

Keep you chin up!!! You are a strong man. You can do this. Yas