Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY Part 2

[tenbusrider]

You are letting yourself assume what is wrong. Maybe nothing is wrong, and you feel there needs to be something wrong.

So.....STOP

I was screaming this to myself internally all day yesterday.

I think that you have changed the dynamic in this. And I think that if you can do it for yourself first, and then your son, that you will automatically change the dynamic within the house. And that would include her.

The apology ? I think that a tad bit later would do you more of a service than too soon will. Anything less than the perfect time, will REMAIN....just words from you.

I think that you should continue to LIVE the apology with your actions. And in time....THAT is what will lead you to the words....

I have to agree that taking time will help more than rushing. I caught myself trying to find a way to bring it up a couple of nights ago, but with her declaring herself as being hormonal, it seemed like a big red flag (no pun intended).

I was reflecting on what I would like to say in an apology, and it finally came to me last night... many of the times that I've disappointed her the most were somehow related to my wanting to drink or having been already drunk. Like when she was recovering from surgery - I was there when she was brought back to the room, I asked the nurse if she'd be awake tonight, they said they didn't think so... so I went home and drank. That was what I'd wanted to do. I should have stayed in the room with her, it wasn't like it was uncomfortable. This is just one example, but it really just hit me how many times in our R something like this happened. It really did something to me, in terms of feeling truly sorry AND knowing what it is I'm sorry for.

The good days are what brings on the bad days....for you BOTH

The good days, spark what is left inside of her, and they spark the good memories inside of her. They spark the vision that she had of the way she wanted things to be...

the bad days are the result of her feeling too close again, and the bad days allow her to distance herself from that....

YOU need to take what you can from the good days, and let go of expectations. You allow the good days, to fuel yourself through the bad days.

Enjoy the moments in life. It really is about the ride, not just the destination....

I put this into practice a little bit yesterday - times when I felt the day was going badly, I remembered the good stuff that had happened over the previous few days. It helped through the slow times when I wasn't doing chores or keeping up with S.

I've got to get back to GALing. I know this. It's been a convenient excuse to say I'm too busy with house stuff to GAL, but I feel like that's a contributing factor to my current mindset.

This is a good chunk of advice. I wrote a heartfelt letter to my wife. That letter was a real big deal to me. To her, more of the same; she did not want to hear it yet.

When the pastor mentioned the need for me to apologize and to do so from a place of sincerity, W lit up, saying she'd accept that, but wouldn't forget... So my goal became creating the right environment - good message from church, good food in a restaurant we both have memories in... get her a little relaxed, and hope that the opportunity presents itself. This, too, was somewhat hinted at by the pastor. We'll see, I guess.