I will throw out my .02 on some things, I am sure some of the vets will be around soon with better seasoned advice.
Quote:
how can i detach when he continues to contact me - only to see what is going on at the house or with the D or GC? and when they get off the phone tell you they love you - how do you deal with this?
Do not answer, let it go to VM, etc, UNLESS it is an emergency, especially concerning the kids. Call/email/text him back when YOU are in a good, strong, detached state of mind. If he says he loves you, don't say anything...I have not been replying at all to that (but it has only been said a couple of times the past 8 months or so, I haven't had much opportunity to practice this and see if any effect... Let him talk, validate as needed, do not respond to inquiries with much detail..."things are fine" (and fake it if need be). Did you see sandi2's "37 Rules"? Print it up and look at them until they are second nature.
Quote:
i believe he sends mixed signals
He doesn't really know what he wants yet, despite what he says I would reckon. Be prepared for a lot of this...my W has been all over the place on this journey.
Quote:
i sent him a brief overview of MLC and said i think that is what he was going through and needed to get a counselor to help him work through issues, but he insisted of course he has no issues and is doing what makes him happy as he has fell out of love with me.
Don't do this...if MLC, then its his journey...he will NOT accept anything you say, any books or articles will just push him away...if the sky is blue and you acknowledge it, he will say its pink, or lime green...what has helped me a lot is to think of W as a teenager (we just had gotten through our first teenage child going through his process, so had some "training" there). He doesn't think he has a problem, because you were the problem (we know differently, of course, we did contribute to M issues, but...).
Quote:
i just do not want them to do something they may regret in the future or even worse not to have a relationship with their dad.
Not your responsibility. Period. Just try to explain, best you can to them, what MAY be going on (maybe give them some MLC links to read up on).
What have you found to be YOUR contributions to the M issues? We are responsible for some of it, we need to figure out what we are responsible for and decide to fix us.
Some one here said to look at this as a gift of time....time to look within and create the person we want to be for the rest of our lives. I found many of my old roles, while necessary and helpful during the first part of our M, many are no longer needed/useful and need to go.
What have you done for GAL?
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Let him talk, validate as needed, do not respond to inquiries with much detail..."things are fine" (and fake it if need be). Did you see sandi2's "37 Rules"? Print it up and look at them until they are second nature.