Denial....its not just a river in Egypt...

[imthemom]

I have stepped up my Al anon meetings to 3xs a week, and that has been the biggest help to me. I think Ive turned a corner as far as excepting things the way they are. I have been working really hard on step 1 for the past 2 weeks, doing alot of reading and soul searching and i think Ive finally excepted that I have no control over this situation....If you knew me you would know how HUGE that is. Ive always been pretty controlling.

It has been very liberating to admit that I have no control here, I am on my path and H is on his and I cannot stear his ship if Im concentrating on mine. It has given me a sense of peace, the stress and anxiety of constantly thinking has gone, with just a little sadness left because of the realization that there is a huge chance that this is over. All I can do now is move forward day by day and just start a life that is positive and peacefull with out him in it. Its funny...along with that realization has come memories of the reasons I left in the first place. And really....my life now is not very different from when we lived in the same house as H and W. He was as uninvolved as his is now. It has been years since he was an involved father. I hope he works on that for my S15s sake but I have no involvement in that nor can I control the outcome. but I dont hate him for it anymore. People have a right to make there choices...good or bad. and the consequenses are theres to deal with.
I chose to be happy...I just have to find what that looks like now. For the first time I am able to picture it, all be it still a little fuzzy, with out him. And It doesnt look so horrible. Still working on it but I can definatley picture it now.....