Thoughts about this letter from WAW?

[25yearsmlc]

your thread isn't dead but I don't think you are hearing me.

Hello 25,

Thanks for your imput. The things I have mentioned about church I have never said to her directly. Those were my personal thoughts as to why. (I know I should GAL instead of worrying as to why)

yes^^^ you should. It's been long enough now for you to start ONLY working on you.

She was the one who got me to go to church which I thank her for. Look I don't go throwing religion around im no better than anyone else. I was just wondering why it all stopped and I know my wife it's guilt.

sigh...more of the same old you blaming her and mind reading. This is pointless and fruitless AND it keeps you from making progress that you need to make.

why? B/c she won't return if she does not believe marriage to you could be better and different

You are doing nothing different vis a vis HER and how you view her or how you interact.

why do you want to be married to her if she's so defective?



I just think it would be good for her. (once again something else I haven't said to her but I also think it's good for all)

why are you focussed on what SHE is doing, at all?

I've been nothing but sweet and kind since the bomb was dropped 10 months ago. 90% or greater of the men in my shoes would have thrown up their hands and taken the easy road out.

this^^^ attitude SO does NOT help YOU. You're stuck blaming her. Get unstuck asap.

Tell us what YOU think YOU have to work on...you know, like your flaws??



I'm still fighting working on myself I truly am a changed man.
I realize all the stuff/[censored] in the world means nothing the only thing thats important is my wife, son & family.


180%

I have stopped pursuing, I think before speaking, I have realized I must let the small things in life go. I've become more patient. (outside of that I the perfect catch


be way more specific...please. I don't know what "think before speaking" means much, and saying you "realize you must let go" of the small things. Meaning you want to, but you have not?

And what actions are you DOING, as opposed to refraining from? (Knowing what not to do is one thing; but you have to know what TO DO as well, b/c you need to take positive affirmative steps to improve...make sense?) Tell me 2 or 3 things you are DOING or saying that are new positive things that are different.

GAL

As I mentioned I do need to do more of this but I need a flexible work schedule so activities serveral times a week is hard. Here's what I do work out 5 days a week, hang out with friends, go to ball games, coached youth football, of course go to church.

I posted what I did in Alaska to GAL, and you didn't really respond.

You sound busy but you need to be less predictable so doing new things and meeting new people is key to avoid obsessing about her (which you still do)

and to feel better and change. It's just easier to change with new people seeing you and not holding you back.

Hope that makes sense.

I am really not sure you are getting my main points.

I think you are mostly stuck blaming her and avoiding the deep digging you ought to be doing.

that's just my take.