Attack/defense is just the terminology from the book. It talks about using "I" statements instead of "accusatory 'you'" statements. His statements were both "you" statements about my actions. I wasn't implying it was huge, just taken back by the obviousness of it, now that my eyes have been opened. So I'm reflecting on it, trying to determine what I could do different, trying to figure out the difference between sharing information and defensiveness.
He didn't complain about my taking care of the furnace. In fact, he thanked me and said, "Well done." The only reason I let him know when Paul got here today is because he wants to be "involved." Not helpful, particularly from anyone else's veiwpoint, but involved. I certainly didn't need him to be home. I did that only for him, to address his need.
I could have set him up to handle the furnace, but honestly, there are so many things around here that need to be dealt with that I just needed this one to get done. Taxes are a great example. We usually do it ourselves, so he has already purchased TurboTax and then immediately set it on my desk. Every year, he says he wants to do it "this year." Every year, I'm doing it the second week of April because he hasn't. HE is the one with the accounting degree. HE is the one that should be doing it. If I remind him, he says, "Oh, yeah, I need to get on that. This weekend!" But then he never does. Eventually, I'm just nagging. Our R is riddled with this, but I don't want to get into the mode of venting again. Just telling you why I took care of it myself.
So, because I'm reading books like crazy, I've got many topics running through my head. My posts will be somewhat random. Sorry!
Tonight I read about how important it is for men to feel respected, which goes in line with a number of recent posts to me. At the same time, you all are asking me to give H some things that he can do for me. Well, in order for me to begin to respect him, he needs to stop telling me how remedial he is, what an idiot he is, how incompetent he is. I don't want to hear it. Also, I don't want to hear that he's "trying." If he really is trying, then he can try without tell me. Otherwise, all I see is his failure when he tried but didn't succeed. I really don't need to see it.
