MC says to call it quits

[adinva]

Have you had any help from a DB coach lately? There's a lot of analysis and theory going on, but are there any small concrete things that you do that help? Do you have a solutions journal to track what works?

BTW I think the alpha beta ratings stuff can be completely off in some situations, as you believe it is in yours. In mine, I was simply not getting my emotional needs met (my love tank was on empty in 5LL lingo) - even though my H is attractive, masculine, macho, successful, confident, and many other traits I admire and respect. If I felt that there was an implied ultimatum that I should "step up" or risk losing him, I'd have been extremely pissed and our problems with ML would have been even greater. That idea has to be handled soooooo sensitively. Anyway, I don't think it applies to you.

I don't want to be a downer but you're talking about making lifelong sacrifice of your needs in order to enable her to not make any effort at all. People have divorced for less good reasons than that. Are you certain that your kids would be with her? Best off with her? How are your D's learning to be confident sexual beings (later, much later...) with her insisting on not getting healthy? Just asking, but if the family breaks up because she's not willing to make any effort to get help, could, should they stay with you?

I have a close relative who did not get primary custody of her children in her divorce.

Just some random thoughts, wishing I had advice for you but there are only questions.