When it's a one-way street...part 3

[Accuray]

I wasn't there to hear the tone or read the body language, but I'm not seeing an attack here:

H: If I get S to hustle, I can drop him off at school this morning (it's usually something I do.)
W: That's alright, I need to get up anyway. Paul is coming this morning to look at the furnace.
H: You were going to tell me when he was coming
W: I did tell you. I told you yesterday that if he couldn't make it then, he would be coming today.
H: Well you didn't give me a specific time
W: I don't have a specific time
H: Well I have a meeting at 8:00 so I don't know if I can be here. I can still drop off S if I hurry.
W: Get to your meeting, it's no big deal, I'll drop him off.

At worst I see a mild complaint, perhaps it came across as accusatory, but in any case it seems minor -- he thought you were going to tell him when Paul was going to arrive so he could be home, and he *thought* you had made arrangements with Paul without telling him. That's all I read into it. "Hey, I didn't talk to Paul, I just assume he'll be here, give him a call if you want" kind of takes that off the table.

How did you read that as an attack? Was it his tone, his body language? What was it?

I also read this into it:

1) The furnace was broken and either he didn't notice it or ignored it
2) You made the arrangements to have it fixed by your relative, presumably for free or inexpensively
3) He complained about the way you handled that, when in fact you were taking care of everything

These are just ideas, don't take them as criticisms or telling you that you should have done something else:

When you noticed the furnace was broken, you could have discussed it with him -- "Hey did you notice the furnace is broken? Will you take a look at it for me?"

"Maybe we can get Paul to take a look at it, do you want to deal with it or should I?"

You know, involve him up-front, let him feel like he had a chance to participate. That will make him less likely to feel steamrolled or useless, and therefore he'll be less likely to complain. If you give him the chance to step up and he doesn't, he'll be less likely to complain about how you handled it later.

Accuray