Separation, Settlement, or Servellience?

[MrBond]

Aside from the medications, do you have any physical support with you? Friends or family? I might have missed it earlier, but did you start the medications after the problems with your H or have you been taking them prior to that?

[Yasu]

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder 2 after my husband abandoned me for the second time in Greece, upon my return, several months later.

I previously had been on disability (privately insured and SS) since 2001 for severe depression, anxiety, and panic disorder. These were kept under control with medication. The trigger was years of on the job discrimination and retaliation for speaking out about matters concerning illigal hiring practices I observed on a search committee (first amendment suits) as well as upholding University standards regarding student complaints about sexual harrassment of a Professor in our department.

As a junior colleague, I was expected to keep quite about these matters. As I did not, my life at work was made as miserable as possible. Trying to contend with issues and responsibilities at work, defend myself against frioulious lawsuits brought against me to cause pressure, and too, my own suit - that were eventually taken by contingency, and reached the US Supreme Court - in the end, took it's toll on my health. I made it eight years on the job, until physically and mentally it was no longer possible.

So, during the later part of the mid 90's, to cope with migrain pain, I developed a problem with the narcotic medication. Once discovered, that was nipped in the bud. Concurrently, at that time, anti-depressants were being prescribed to me. Gradually the amounts and types increased. Then, anti-anxiety medications came on board. When insomnia crept upon me, that was the next thing that had to be treated.

So once I stopped working, I was on a full menu of drugs. Gradually, doses were cut back. My husband did not want to pay the money for the cobra (takes 2 years for Medicare - and then some for Bushes drug plan to be inacted), so, my doctor began to provide a good part of my meds in samples. Everything was in total control from the time I accepted the loss of my career around 2003. Until - the first abandonment in 2006 - I knew, in my gut, something was up.

We reconciled that. I assisted my husband in his dream to have his own restaurant. It was a fine investment. He wanted immediately to get us into yet a third house near a restaurant, and then - the 2008 abandonment in Greece.

The Dr. Tells me, that this crisis is what caused a person, with such a propensity, to develop bipolar disorder. And my medication menu is rediculously paralyzing at this point now. No, I did not believe this diagnosis, Not sure I do now. But I went to a number of doctors that concluded same. At least current doctor observed me for a few months before making diagnosis of bi-polar 2. And also, he can offer an explanation of how it "just happened."

And yes, I'm angry about it - and partially in denial about it. But I have seen enough strange behavior on my part, after the fact, (as well I am totally ashamed of many things I've said and done while apparently manic), that I will listen to this doctor and do exactly what he says (even though I don't like it).

So, Mr. Bond, you have reached the journaling thread of the over-educated manic. Sorry it took so long to answer your question. Yes, I've been on meds for various reasons since, and I really forgot to mention this........

Not six months after I got my job at UGA, my husband packed his stuff and left. Within a few months, he wanted to come back. It was actually, this action, and his painful, antagozizing visits to the house, that caused my M.D. To prescribe the first Prozac pill for me - in Fall of 1994. Long before my legal and political problems with the University.

Isn't funny how I remembered that last? Yas

[Yasu]

Aside from the medications, do you have any physical support with you? Friends or family? I might have missed it earlier, but did you start the medications after the problems with your H or have you been taking them prior to that?

.

I have outstanding medical care. I have isolated myself - and am extremely reclusive.

Family:

I no longer associate with my Mother or Brother. However, a goal of mine is to re-establish contact with my Mother (an associate has already made an initial contact for
me - to bridge my communication, which I plan to do this upcoming Sunday morning). There will be no contact with my brother in the near future.

Husband's Family

I assume foreign Greek family overseas wants nothing to do with me due to divorce, and living abroad without my husband (yes, word gets around). I was advised, by a culturally sophisticated individual, to send them simply greetings that "I Love Each of Them". Which I took care of. No reply expected - as they do not speak English, nor do I speak Greek. But my notes were written in Greek characters, and all of them know that I love them deeply. That is all I can say or do.

Friends

I believe, due to either my illness or the medications, or my personality mixed with aforementioned - has caused difficulty with a few important friendships. The most important friendship, I see where I over-reacted. It was my goal to correct this terrible mistake, and I am happy to report that I have met this goal. I have saved my 15 year friendship.

The other two friendships that dissolved happened due to gossip based nonsense, Facebook Misunderstandings, BS, and immaturity that is out of my interest area. One friendship was extremely lovely, but it lived it's life. Once I taught this young lady the computer, and she became so independent, she really was a bird that needed to fly. The other woman and I were neighbors and not so close. I just hate for bad feelings from gossip to distroy friendships and comfort with neighbors. So, these contacts, I must let go.

While at the rental, I have made a lot of friends. I am not paranoid in that town, always looking over my shoulder for surveillance or hilusband observing me. I have made friends with many men as it is men I most come in contact with in the issues I face. I keep these contacts on a friend platonic level, period.

I have a couple girlfriends, not serious, neither have much time.

New Neighbors

Recently, my neighbors came out and cleaned my entire yard while I slept upstairs all afternoon. I guess my neighbors next door spread the word I was having some trouble recently. God know they all know I basically deserted the place last August after the accident.

Suzanne next door, got the youngster across the street to bag up some leaves for $25. But that barely made a dent. I left his check taped to the doorknob. I could not believe my eyes when I got up from my snoozing. Six neighbors and their kids were working their a$$s off in the front yard. There are like fifty bags of crap piled up at the road. I was so speechless. I would call that support. They all kno I never come out of the house.

The fact is, I am agoraphobic. I have been isolated so long. I am worried about making social mistakes when I go out. Some times, I stay as much as two or three weeks in the house. I am terrified to lose my house in the divorce.

I'm trying. I have a great therapist. I have a great website here a DB.

I have great people reaching out to me, like you Mr. Bond.

Thank you.

[hangten]

Yasu...First thing, you should change your name. It is like saying Adios in Greek. I just want to say that I am an "exenos"(a foreigner - non greek),and I have been excepted in to my IL's family. There is hope for you too.

[Yasu]

I was more than accepted, exenos, I was cherished and loved by the IL's. I have no idea where I stand now. But I know, they know, he doesn't do things properly. As, in '06, I hired a translated to explain to my IL family why my Husband left me stranded in the Greek airport. Stupid me, with my swollen feet, slowing down the trip - how terrible I am.

When I spoke to PaPaa few weeks later all I heard wa glah' ma' Nichos! I don't speak Greek. Husband had already left for Athens, so by the time I resolved myself to call, I guess I just missed him.

It appeared to me then, and w hen seeing Greek family in 9/08 that they had no idea I was on the 06 trip until they received my apologies from the translator. Oh dear, what a conundrum. Yasuandio

BTW. My normal on-line name is yasuandio. I just shortened it!

[Yasu]

PS, Exenos,

I wonder how Husband explained my bags remaining at family house after '08 trip. And somehow, I never came back to claim them during that trip. I bet Metera and Patera had some questions for Mr. Big Shot on his subsequent visit. Now he tells me I SHAMED the family honor. I don't get that. Yes, I'm an independent woman, and I had enough of his crap that second time. And I needed time to recover. And with that sort of treatment, in my estimation, it appeared to me My marriage was an illusion, and he simply was awaiting a body bag to arrive to the states.

No call, no nothing.

He left me without my medication, without my glasses, and with only 400US at 6pm in A small village, on the seaside. Took our rental car and drove away. My cell phone was not working properly either. He refused to leave his with me.

[Yasu]

He had been seeing a therapist for depression and really, lack of man stuff at the house. Turns out, once we were on the trip in 08 in Greece, he opened up and admitted his therapy had been about his sister, and his inability to speak to his sister about her husband's death.

I mean, his sister and her husband have a restaurant and house you have to walk past to get to his Father's Taverna - or anything else for that matter.

Husband laid on his back and stared at the ceiling - he could not face his sister. It had been over a year. I feilded many a call from family that were trying to understand his silence. I know he loved his sister's husband dearly. In fact, as early as his sister married you gotta just wonder if there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye (or actually it does meet the eye and no one says anything).

Finially, his mother and I prodded him out of the bed, and I practically dragged him down the street. When they met eyes, everything was fine - he was welcomed, her sons, a little standoffish, as expected. But everyone made up.

I so long for a reunion like that. I so sense that he stares at the ceiling in pain with the identical stubbornness. I do love him deeply, no matter his transgressions upon me. I am not perfect myself. Thank you so much for listening, yasuandio

[Yasu]

I have had good guidance from Mr. Bond and Rick64. I have my new goals and boundaries.

The boundaries are different from what the strong DBer's are able to endure. A trial and divorce, to me, is signing off your title to the very expensive car.

Separation stage, we can say the judge is holding the title for now.

After it is all over, it will be on my terms, as Mr. Bond said on my other thread, I cannot endure anything less than the saying, "you got to buy me to try me.". Period. I think all men know what that means (it has nothing to do with money).

Husband will have a huge, huge car payment if he ever hopes to even see my sweet spirit again. Because, I'm expensive. And, like a very nice vehicle, you have to work for, and earn me. Never too late to start a new attitude. Done and done.

While I may have had one without my knowledge, I just can't do a cake-eater, MLC, or noMLC. There is no way. You guys are stronger than me. I am afraid I would commit a crime if that shyt was in my full view. You DB people that have the balls to control yourself during a crisis like that are friend to be respected and admired. Yas

[25yearsmlc]

I give up, I give up, I give up, and I give up. How is that for detachment?

I really needed to receive my check to day. I left a couple VM's yesterday, requesting he put my check in the mail so I receive it on time today. One VM was enough. But no. I had to give a little more info -- that being, "I'm really trying to get out of town, and am low on funds due to his last late payment.". Also, said, of course, I like to chat with you about other things besides money."


I don't get this^^...why not just have your L file to enforce the court ordered support? What's with YOU contacting & begging him to do what is legally required? If it's not court ordered by now, why not?

There you have it. I broke my NC. I am an idiot. I almost called back really angry - thank God I controlled myself.

I am angry he will not pick the phone. Well, he knows it's safe to call me now. And obviously, he does not want to speak to me, and I must just back off. As, testing the waters, has shown the waters are not warming up at all.

Yes it is obvious that the waters are not warm. What made you believe they were warm?

IMO His possible surveillance of you does NOT indicate a positive to me. It seems to be either a gaslighting thing, or a task his L suggested so they can document your disability, or behaviors, or God knows what.

But not contacting you normally is what shows me it's not a positive. And the comment that his "friend" made to you about you not being able to DO anything, suggests a less than warm reason for this.


The gears slip very easily back into detachment mode. I believe silence was much better to hear than his voice. I actually appreciate that very much. I would like it even better if he had bought the phone block plan that I paid him two years in advance to install on his cell. Naturally, he pocketed the money, and did not sign up for the plan. He could change his cell number too.

Or you could just NOT call him. Why do you give him all your power? It has been years now. Isn't it Time to take back your life?



I have no other issue. No drive by issue, no calling at work issue, no spy issue. But, once in a blur moon, I do get the itch to check the waters, or VM about a financial matter.

Trial and divorce is imminent. And I know my boundaries.


do you? You keep letting him pay you when HE feels like it and you don't do a thing about it but contact him. Why isn't paying you on time a boundary you can have enforced? And a "divorce" is no boundary. For some people it's the point of no return...but that's a separate issue.

Yes I've had 2 family members divorce and then, years later, remarry. But none of them planned on it.

ALL of them moved forward in their lives, NOT staring at their exes or getting into their sandboxes...they just worked on themselves and changed themselves

so that when they did run into each other at family events, OR when they met new people for a new R,

THEY themselves were better people and so they made better partners...and the 2nd time around was better.

But you cannot plan for that. YOU MUST MOVE FORWARD...for so many reasons.

I'll finish up this post now, but must ask ONE last question...

what would your husband SAY the problems in the marriage were?



He may not know them - with regards to the disolution of the marriage. But, he may come to know it if he has any feeling for me left. Again, thank you for reading. Yas

Next Steps: I am trying to imagine a room mate sharing this house with me. Will leave town soon, to make final trip to rental, to remove my stuff.

Thank you for listening. Yas

[Yasu]

Looks like some "mania" 25. I had just re-read Bob Grant's book again. Then I simply started overapplying the concept, even though there really ins't anywhere to apply it. Cheerleading for myself - in an event that's not occurring.

"You gotta buy me to try me" is new my mental mantra so I do not get lured into a sexual situation. It means I won't put out sex until marriage. That would really mess with my mind at this point. Restated again, I would never let that happen post divorce, for same reason.

Don't worry, 25, I now see out of context it sounds insane. I'll keep it to myself.

OK --

I have collapse time. There have been a number of " real business" issues, before I got varied away last night. The lack of responce didn't send me into an extingment burst. After awhile, I gave it to attorney.

This thread proves how convoluted my thinking has been since I got back home, and had a few zingers (serveliences). Which I ignore. But, for some reason, I want to know what they mean.

Trying best to get back where I was during dark phase. Yas