H is floundering around. He is freaking out that I'm going to talk to a lawyer about money and about him trying to buy a house right now. "That's going to put us on the path to divorce." I was in an airport today for business travel and was in a crowd of people saying things on the phone to him like, "I didn't put us on the path for divorce...your affair over the last 8 months did!" My friend I confide in about this stuff found it kind of funny.
Good "truth dart." You can't really teach a wayward, WHILE they're wayward, but you can land little "truth darts" from time to time like that, and let them sink in.
You can also tell him "I haven't decided anything yet, but I thought it would be wise, considering the state of our marriage, to better understand what my legal options and rights are right now."
Notice you DON'T reassure him ("Oh don't worry, I'm not going to do anything ..."), nor do you threaten him. Just a calm "I haven't decided anything yet," etc.
Look, you've got two VERY strong basic, human dynamics that you are putting in play on your behalf, Nb:
One is that "Men value most, what we have to pursue."
The other is that us humans are, really at the end of the day "path-of-least-resistance" creatures. The ol' "body at rest tends to remain at rest, until acted upon by an outside force" thing. It's sad, but also likely that your husband isn't going to do ANYTHING regarding a move back towards your marriage unless placed into some sort of crisis, fear-of-loss mode. Now that you have him there, be civil -- even courteous -- but don't rescue him.
Oh, and be careful with the OM stuff -- you're playing with lit matches there, kiddo.
