MC says to call it quits

[Accuray]

I'm trying to do what's suggested in The Solo Partner, The Passion Trap etc. Make the situation feel less controlled, make her feel she needs to work more. "The Passion Trap" says that feelings of being "in love" are directly correlated with feelings of being "out of control". When you first start dating someone, you don't know what they think of you, you don't know if you'll see them again, etc. etc. It's those out of control feelings that make us feel in love and that we have a cause worth pursuing. Once you "sink into marriage" and the uncertainty goes away, the "feelings of love" often follow.

I have observed that when I back off, she will pursue me some. When she does that, it feels good! Historically I would try to encourage that with positive feedback and that would instantly make her stop. I've learned to ignore it / not comment on it and just enjoy it.

Like I say though, if I withdraw too much, then she also withdraws. It's like tuning a drip feed to be just the right amount.

I'm not taking it down to match hers so it will be equal, I'm trying to get my desires for feeling wanted and needed satisfied. If that's not going to happen through sex, let's see how else it can be addressed.

Accuray