Learning as I go

[tested metal]

I think you hit the nail on the head KML. I never demanded my needs be met in the relationship. Maybe she didn't feel wanted or needed because of it.

I am sure it added to the lack of respect I received from her then and now.

I did start asking her to be home by 2 am when she went out, because I wanted to spend some time with her.

Unfortunately, she did not feel the same way.

I am realizing that my fear of ever losing her led me to be very passive in the relationship, which I perceived it as being laid back and easy. But it was rooted in fear and because of that I did not assert myself until it was too late.

Maybe that is a sign that the relationship was not a good one in the first place, or that I didn't think it was good relationship at the time. Definately some codependency there.

I guess my point is that I lived in fear and because of that I was not honest with her. Not honest enough to share my feelings about how her actions would affect me or honest about how I would like my needs met. That was not fair to her because I was holding back for fear of being rejected and also fear of looking like a jerk. That was not showing the true me.

So now I need to GAL, detach, and if the time comes when I have the opportunity to reconnect I will make sure not to make that same mistake again.