Where to next?

[MichelleLT]

So first question is something along the lines of what is our relationship?

Make a list of the things you feel you need from a committed relationship. Don't make it necessarily specific to Gabe, but just your list of things you would want/need in any committed relationship in your future.

As for wishing he would walk out again, you sound like a WAW. You actually have sounded like a WAW on many occasions in the last year.

And as for now, this limbo, you don't actually know where you stand because you haven't talked. So the first step is to talk. I think you are letting your doubts control the situation because it is less hurtful than hoping right now. But don't assume you know how Gabe feels, go into this conversation with an open mind.