Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Hmmm not so fast Yas, lol. I was making some strides, but as I always do I had a classic blowup yesterday. We ended up texting throughout the day and then we ended up speaking about issues related to the car. This turned into general conversation, at which point we started talking vacations, and she alluded to going to CA with the OM. I should have certainly taken a timeout at this point, but alas I did not. The conversation ended up spiraling out of control to the point she started saying she was engaging with OM months before the one I found out. She also mentioned how the OM is carrying a concealed weapon blah blah blah because I called them out on their BS. Basically at this point this flipped the trigger for me and I decided that is my breaking point. She did make some valid points in that I had framed my life without kids for a reason and we were just too different blah blah blah. I said now that all the cards were on the table did she have anything else to tell me and she said no. I then started down the road in that did she think that anything that was done related to the property settlement was fair or right at all and she said it was. Based on this ordeal for the last 6 months, coupled with her continued ridiculous behavior, and the fact that she can never be trusted again, I am done, and will be filing the Divorce in August. I don't see that there is any way to recover my sitch, and at this point I don't want to. Her parting shot via text after hanging up was "Do not call me or text me again or I will immediately take out a restraining order. Leave me alone". Guess I won't apply the believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do in this case.

I guess I am writing this out in the hopes that it helps somebody else one day. Once I decided I'd had enough, this was our final text exchange:

"I love you, SS, SS, and SD with all of my heart, but I can't continue to live like this when you can't show me an ounce of care. In spite of my problems I supported you in the best way I knew how. If you would have been supportive of me we wouldn't be here either. We both failed in our marriage, but make no mistake I was always faithful to you. You are a special woman but trust me in that there are other women who are also very special. I have changed but you unfortunately refus to see that. I am truly sorry for ever hurting you and I wish you nothing but happiness in life. Goodbye"

"Whatever. I'm not discussing who's at fault. It doesn't matter. Don't act like you are all about us. You make it sound like your life has been so lonely, but I think screwing a 22 year old is that bad of a life".

"I don't know where you keep getting that from, but you're wrong. I have done everything in my power for the last six months, at times incorrectly, to help "us". The realization I've came to is unfortunately I can't do it all by myself. And I have no desire to "screw" anybody. I want the life partner I vowed to spend my life with IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD. I wish you felt the same way. Maybe the vows were "for better or until things get tough and I choose to bail out" and I misunderstood them. You're not a quitter, or at least I never thought you were. I only wish you could muster the guts for your marriage at 30 that you did for SS at 14 (she birthed him at age 14). I promise you would reap similar rewards"

"What happened when SS was 14?"

"When you were 14, you chose not to quit on him. I wish you would do the same now and quit on me and us."

We spoke again by phone and she mentioned me choosing her as a "trophy wife" and I stated if I was wanting a trophy wife I would have married somebody else being honest, and she hung up.

"If I wanted a trophy wife does it not make sense I would have chose one without kids? You never gave me a change to become a stepfather. Read some books on the matter, I have. And ask your son who he called the last time he had a crisis. But in your state of mind obviously that won't make a damn to you. I am a good man, and a great husband now that I have resolved my significant issues. You know what kind of man I am, how sincere my heart is, and the man I am capable of being. I have done everything in my power to right every wrong I've done to you. If you choose to keep your heart cold to me you will never know how our story should have ended. Please stop forgetting about our good times, they far outweighed the bad. I Love You."

Then we spoke again and things spiraled further south when were playing the blame game. I ended up making a statment that maybe she could have supported me with my problem if she could have kept her *#$$* in her pants, and she hung up.

Then get the "Do not call me or text me again or I will immediately take out a restraining order. Leave me alone".

So I guess I'm going dark!!! lol

Given everything that has happened I don't think she can ever be trusted again. Ask me this in a months time and maybe that will change. For now I have no choice but to totally detach. She will have to contact me regarding the car which should should be purchasing this month unless she tries to do something stupid. I am full bore moving on with my life as of now, if she has some change of heart which I sincerely doubt, will see how I feel at that point.

So long story short, IF YOU READ MY SITCH DON'T BE LIKE ME. I regret the things that happened yesterday, but I am glad that I found out what I did. The woman I married truly has no conscious, either she did and she lost it, or it was just a front all along.

I take ownership for my part in the failure of the marriage. It is what it is, I am moving on in being the best me that I can be.

I want to thank you all for your opinions and kind words of support on this board, they have helped me time and time again. I am going to have to dissapear for now though as coming here certainly brings all of the ill feelings that go along the last 6 months of living hell which has been my life. I will be praying for all of you and hope you have more success than me.

I think it all boils down to we/I made a mistake. I had framed my life to be child free, yet I married a woman with 3 kids by 2 different men. She mentioned that when the other women were involved while we were dating that "she had to win", and that she glossed over our differences as we moved forward.

The divorce can't be filed until end of August, so that's six months of limbo... But as far as my opinion today, it's a wrap.

God bless and Good Luck to you all.