So you are fairly healthy mentally? If you are trully depressed you would not have the energy to fight. So I think you like myself want to get angry and give yourself permission to be angry. Does that make sense? I was thought that it was manlier to show anger instead of fear and other emotions. Does that sound familiar?
So, it took a few days to decide I wanted to post this part.
There are those pesky suicidal thoughts I've had since I was a teen, and that period after the kids were born when I would look at people, realize we all end up dead anyway, and wonder what the point of everything was. I described it as "seeing" people as skeletons, not hallucinating but like visualizing a room painted a different color. I thought I was "fairly mentally healthy" then too. But no, as of yet there is no full diagnosis of mental illness.
As for wanting to be angry, I don't think so. It does seem to be my go-to reaction though. if I'm not really paying attention to keeping things in check. I don't even know that I would call it not wanting to show fear, because I can very often say "I'm afraid that . . ." -- I just end up saying it angrily.
A lot of this is in the past and helped the Cymbalta, thought I think it's no surprise the suicidal thoughts have come back (and yes the shrinks are aware).
M 42, W 40, S 11, D 9 Together 20 years, married 15 W Dropped Bomb 1/12/2012 I moved (kicked) out 1/27/2012
