MC says to call it quits

[Accuray]

Are you happy with the status quo? (this includes sex, but is more than that to include the way she treats you, and how her outlook on life affects you)

Categorically no, sometimes yes, and things are slowly improving overall. I have hope it will turn to categorically yes and sometimes no. That transition has as much to do with me as it does with her.

If you are not happy, do you demand she does change in order to continue the relationship, or are you willing to accept your unhappiness and frustration?

I have been told she will not or cannot change, so demanding is off the table. I either end the relationship, accept my unhappiness and frustration, or find a different path to happiness within the relationship.

if you do expect change on her part how long are you willing to wait till you throw in the towel?

My current plan is run the MAP, get as happy with me as I can be. Follow the advice in "The Solo Partner" and cease any pursuit. So far this has been effective. When you don't pursue, you don't expect your pursuing to lead anywhere. When the distancer gets uncomfortable, they then start to pursue. I see this dynamic, I'm figuring out how to best make it work.

Maybe the MAP will work. Maybe the Solo Partner will work. Maybe neither will work but I will no longer care because I've found happiness in other ways. Maybe none of it will work and I'll still be unhappy in this relationship. I'm content to withhold on blowing anything up until I've exhausted all avenues. I haven't yet given either the MAP or the Solo Partner stuff enough time to make a difference so there is no immediate decision to be made. My next major reassessment will be when I reach my goal weight and fitness level, and have addressed any non-relationship based sources of dissatisfaction (i.e. work on me as well as I'm going to do it)

This assumes that my marriage is more or less no better and no worse than it is now. When we went on vacation it degraded which had me tipping toward throwing in the towel. Since we've returned it's improved and pulled me back.

To be fair, what are your answers to your own questions?

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