deployment to divorce 1

[31nheartbroken]

I would also like to see the look on his face because he thinks he's actually getting away with something. using your anger as a sword, hurting him.

Not neccesarily using my anger as a sword or to even hurt him. I just want him to understand that he isn't getting away with anything, that I know, and that I have still been pretty calm and helpful. I guess I am hoping that it will show him that I am willing to forgive him, if he ever wants to reconcile. Also, maybe make him see that I am "attempting" to move on and that it doesn't effect me the way he would expect. I'm sure he will be expecting me to cry, scream, beg, plead, and I am just not gonna do it.

-and-

Hopefully, eventually, he will choose not to be with her anymore and maybe focus more on his time with his children.


and then there's this:
OW is considered fraternization and he can get in ALOT of trouble with the Navy.

How will these things help you? your children?

This one is more for leverage when it comes to him backing away from her and getting alimony in the event of going through with D. I don't think I would ever turn him in to the Navy because I don't want to ruin his career or cause him to lose money which would adversely effect the kids and I. I just want him to think that it is a possibility and he values his career greatly and I am not so sure he would want to jeopardize it by continuing to see her. I'm not saying it will make him come back and I'm not expecting him to (would be nice if he would start to think about me more, see that I am being supportive, and maybe start to miss me), but I want her out of the picture. If he finds someone else then so be it, but she was the one who overlapped with H and my M. As far as helping the kids, I feel like she is a big catalyst that is effecting the amount of time he wants to spend with his kids. If she is out of the picture and he still doesn't come around as much, then it is totally his fault.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of these things but just think about the long-term ramifications, not for him so much as for you.

I have constanly been thinking about the ramifications. Initially, I was so angry that I wanted to turn him in right away and I wanted the whole world to know he is a cheater. After a few days I quickly realized that if I ever wanted to stay friends with him and even try to reconcile with him in the future, it wasn't in my best interest to something so extreme. I know in my heart that I wouldn't want to cause that much damage to him or between us, I just want him to think I might would do something like that. Who knows, maybe someday I will get to tell him that I never planned on turning it in because I didn't want to hurt him or our relationship. Definately NOT gonna threaten him with it I don't want to put that wedge between us either, it will just be in his own thoughts about whether or not I would turn him in.