Most of the time and with almost everyone in her life she will never actually say what she is really thinking or what her opinion may be. I really try to listen and to decipher what her actual thoughts are on a particular topic and pick up on the subtle clues that she'll drop over the course of days sometimes. I've had situations in the past where I may have missed one particular sentence and then she will bring it up over 6 months later when everything builds and she explodes. It's difficult when you have to be so cautious all day every day because I have to be sensitive to her situation, sometimes I would just like to be able to be "myself" and if I was out of order she could "reel me in". Not sure if that makes sense and I'm surely not saying it to be ignorant.
The hard part is that as she has had these times where she was depressed in the past as I've talked about in earlier posts she did share a few of the problems I had. She thought my work hours were excessive; When I got home from work I would sometimes ignore her or be in a bad mood; that we didn't talk enough about our days and what was happening. Fortunately I'm in a position where I can manipulate my schedule and this had happened while I had just started in the new position (6-8 months in). I adjusted my schedule, reduced my hours to a very reasonable 45-50 hour work week and less during off-season periods. I then really focused on getting the stresses out from work on the way home. When I got home I would spend time talking and inquiring how her day was, helping with the house chores, and giving her some time to take care of her own things that she may like to do. After some time I had asked her if I have improved on the issues she pointed out and she was very positive on the change. That lead to a couple of good years in a row.
Leap to current day....now she believes that maybe I'm home too much, I ask too many questions about her work and what is happening, and that she needs the space but can't talk to me about any issues cause she holds them in. She even went as far to say that there things she is upset about from 13-15 years ago while we were dating. Dated for 5.5 years and married for 9.5 years now. She has said that I'm a great husband and that she realizes that and shouldn't really have any complaints. That I'm sensitive and help around the house and I'm a great father. I mean I do a lot I believe around the house...I do most of the cooking, almost all of the cleaning (dusting, windows, vacuuming, etc), I take care of the outside lawn care, pay the bills, am very active with our S (t-ball, basketball, soccer), class trips. My W usually takes care of the laundry and empties the dishwasher. I do all of those things out of love and for her and our S. I do so without any animosity.
So I guess that I'm the type of person that would like a roadmap of what I've done wrong so I can work on it.... but I'm not sure if it's even me. I can't get a peep out of her on what is bothering her this go around except for the things I worked on from the last round should be reverted back to the way they were 2 years ago. Something I'm unwilling to do because I think I had my priorities out of align because the most important thing in my life is my family. I realize though that I have to continue to self reflect and identify what I don't like about myself in the relationship and try to understand her internal sitch as well. As most if not all on this awesome website know....it is darn hard....
