Driving home from work today I saw a quote posted outside of some business that said: "Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to move forward."
Maybe the low "spell" that I've been feeling lately is my "step back". I feel like I'm on the verge of tears when I'm home. I try to stay positive, but this sadness overcomes me. When H was in his angry and hostile mode up until a few weeks ago, I felt angry at him for wanting to walk away. Now that he's not as angry and more on the fence with his emotions, I think it's the feeling of rejection that makes me sad. I think he's fully aware of what's going on and knows I how feel, yet he chooses to continue to do things that hurt me.
Before I drown myself in self-pity....another quote at the same business yesterday said "Whatever you are, be a good one." I'm starting to think that these are not there by chance and that I needed to see the messages.
Decided to take a bubble bath tonight, and I'm glad I did. I feel more relaxed now. Even though H won't talk and chooses to withdraw himself most of the time, he came into the bathroom and brought in a few of the fake tealights (that we got during our last power outage). I thought that was kind of a nice gesture.
I also want to say that I'm so grateful for my S4. I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't have him. He tells me every day how much he loves me, and that I'm the best mommy he could ever wish for "in the whole wide world". The other day he was singing "you are my sunshine" to me...it made me tear up. Today, he wanted to cuddle with me and I sang 'you are my sunshine' to him. It's our favorite song. Afterwards, he told me that he will always be there for me. How sweet is my little boy?
