One thing women really have a hard time understanding is that men really are dumb as stumps when it comes to women.
BTW, I don't think it's that hard for women to understand at all.
lol... true... true... although I can imagine how frustrating that is for women...
I do think you are doing a good job focusing on the reading and especially the topics. You are getting good support for where you are, right now. Which is why I had earlier said that I didn't feel you might be ready for any SBT. I just wanted to add some thoughts and re-emphasise that above.
As much as I appreciate that you are working things out, one more thing I would like you to think about.
How long do you want to take a break? A month? Would that be a fair amount of time for you to find your centre, again?
I don't mean to pressure, but one thing people in resistance really become good at... resistance... in the form of procrastination...
I just need a few days... a couple weeks... a few months...
Make a commitment to how long you will be in "pause and reflect mode". It doesn't have to be set in stone and you can have an extension if you need it. It is commitment that many people, when facing life changes and challenges, that people sometimes have trouble with. Make a choice and committing to those choices. Because sometimes... if we wait long enough... the problem will go away, having solved itself... ie. You wake up one morning and your H is gone and moved on with someone else.
