KD, I don't mean to come across as rejecting everything. I love the feedback on my current actions, and suggestions on what I can do to not make things worse. I just know my current limitations. Physical therapy is important after an operation, but no one would expect the patient to start while the operation is still being performed. I just need a few minutes (days, weeks, months, IDK...) where I can rest from this and breathe. I can spend that whole time focusing on myself, reading, posting, etc. Even the book I'm reading right now (Sole Partner) talks a lot about what needs to be done to restore, but its focus is not that. So it's not that I'm not receptive to listening to it, I'm just not up to doing it yet. I'll file it in my head for later. The chapter I was just reading is on emotional triggers and how not to respond. That is PERFECT for me right now. It gives me a tool to shut down these conflicts. The next chapter is on defensiveness, which I'm sure I could also benefit from. And I've already got my next book ordered. This effort, working, and going to school have got my brain on overload already.
After I've had some time, perhaps then I will at least be able to imagine what a happy marriage with my H would look like, or with anybody. And with that image, I might be able to put some effort toward making it good, as opposed to just "not bad," -- later. I know it took Sandi a long time to motivate, even after she shut down her EA.
Meanwhile, does anyone have information on the conference I've heard about, maybe referred to as EE? I read a reference to it but didn't make a note and now I can't find it. It's a personal thing, not a couples/marriage thing. I thought I might like to look into that.
