Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

Mistrust totally kills relationships. It's hugely what killed our old relationship.

Today we addressed the ending of the 'honeymoon' phase. I asked him how he felt about it. He said he feels a bit sad that we don't feel lovey dovey all the time anymore, but it doesn't change his feelings for me. He says he feels comfortable. He often worries about how I'm feeling, since I have mentioned that I feel he hasn't changed much. I can understand that. I know I'm feeling some bitterness towards him because I've changed so much and I feel he hasn't.

I know I need to focus more on the big picture, like you said, Rick. To have a mature R. I know we can do it, and I know we both want that with each other I feel the need to read a book or something about how to keep that spark going. We're so busy that we don't see each other much. That will hopefully be a little easier once he's living here.

In therapy this morning we mostly focused on the kids. We want to be better parents and to have a stronger family unit. Our therapist suggested something that seems so obvious, but we hadn't put it together. She calls it time chunking. We need to literally schedule chunks of time to spend with the kids. 30 minutes playing a board game. 20 minutes teaching them how to fix or cook something pretty simple. Even that small amount of time spent with our undivided attention is endlessly more memorable than an hour spent with us distracted, playing on our phones or staring at the TV, etc. We're scheduling an hour after lunch this Sunday to play games with our kids. We aren't the type of parents that marvel at everything our kids do. We don't have much patience, and we honestly don't enjoy sitting and playing with them because we always feel distracted. I realize that this doesn't paint us in the best light, but it's the truth.

I feel really good about this plan I want to enjoy my kids, and have them enjoy me. I know J feels the same way. We need to remember how they must be feeling more often than we do. We need to level with them and to be more understanding. We absolutely love our kids and want the best for them.