Rollercoaster Ride - I'm just strapping in...

[2thepoint]

RoRo - check out my comments in red font inside the quotation block. Hope this is helpful for you.

Journaling…

Well guys, turns out I have vertigo. I’m guessing the virus I had with the congestion and stuffiness stirred it up some because I never had dizziness like this before that. Had another episode this morning, and H offered to drive me to my dr. appt, but I ended up being okay enough to drive myself. Told me to call/text him when I was on my way so he’d know I was okay driving, and then call once I found out anything at the dr. I did both. Said he was glad I finally found out what was going on, and wanted me to call him when I got to work after dropping my prescription off so he’d know I made it okay. I’m beginning to think he’s showing pity instead of concern. HMMM Anyway, got some meds, so we’ll see how they do tonight.

Why ascribe anything other than that your H may truly be concerned? Over the past few days, you have described what to my mind are some pretty significant steps in the right direction, yet you seem to prefer to view them from the cynics point of view.

I guess I can see where you are fearful this is all a ploy, but what if instead you changed your mindset to thinking "as if"? Then continued to operate from that view while you and your H continue to work on yourselves...

I did call, but he wasn’t at his desk, so I sent him a short email, “Called your desk. Made it to work. Waited on them to fill my prescription.” He responded back, “Ok. Was away from my desk. Glad you made it in safely.”

This is good ^^^^ IMO.

I’m trying to be more conscious of how I respond in email and not sound blaming or anything. His response made me think that he read it as if I was saying you told me to call, but you weren’t even at your desk. I don’t know. I feel like I’m overanalyzing everything.

Good that you are thinking about how to respond and avoid blaming, etc. Good self awareness.

But why do you feel the need to suspect the worse, mind read and "over analyze" every detail. Think about it, your H is at work.... working, and you expect him to wait by the phone for some undetermined amount of time for you to call to tell him everything is ok. Is that really rational thinking? Stop over analyzing and make room in your mind for more clear headed thinking.

I feel like I should be doing something more. More of what I don’t know. I’m not sure of what’s working with H and what’s not. Man I need a digital copy of DB/DR. Can’t be sneaky and read that out in the open like I can everything else on my Nook.

Clearly some things seem to be working. Think about what you have been doing that may be drawing your H closer to you. Keep that in your focus. Consider setting down a set of goals that can be tracked over time to assess your progress. You'll get there, RoRo!

I’m also wanting to check the cell phone usage like I was before. I’m fighting it though. It’ll just send me in a tailspin again. It would just be nice if I had a clue what H was thinking. Not that I think it's over between him and OW. Wishful thinking!

Don't do it! 2 things can come of it. First you will find that he is still in contact with OW and then what? or you find nothing is going on... but you are demonstrating a lack of trust which is also not healthy if you want to restore your M.

If you want to know what your H is thinking, maybe you could ask him. If the mood was right and you mustered up the courage, maybe you could tell him something like:

H, I've noticed you have been doing X, Y & Z lately (i.e. being more open, caring, etc.) and I really appreciate the effort but what does it mean? What is running through your mind right now?

And then be prepared to validate, validate, validate. Don't get defensive or accusatory, just listen....closely.

Anyway, I’m hoping to go work out today, at least at Curves for Zumba. I haven’t been in weeks. Hopefully I’ll make it through without falling out. LOL

Wow! Zumba with vertigo! Now that should be interesting!