Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Good grief man I need to learn how to throttle... Every time she starts reaching out to me I go over the top. This exercise has certainly proven to me that I am nowhere close to detached because I am all spun up. I was fine for almost two weeks until she contacted me yesterday with such an emotionally charged out of the blue question...

So we end up texting off and on yesterday, and then I can't leave well enough alone, so I text her good day wishes this morning and ask if she had lunch plans. Luckily she's in training all day, in my malfunctioning brain I was going to ask her out to lunch and drive an hour one way to see her. Holy Backsliding Batman, what is my problem?

As soon as she contacts me the 37 steps go out the window. I kept my cool yesterday but then today I lost it. Man I do not see how you folks whom have dealing with this for a year or more have been able to do it.

Had an IC appt yesterday which was helpful to vent. Not a lot of helpful advice though, best being that I have to make a decision for what I want. It is so incredibly frustrating to know what I want but to have no control over it. I am rebooting the LRT as when done properly it obviously works. 2/14 she swore she didn't walk to me anymore and less than 2 weeks later she is reaching out to me. I guess I can take this as a positive.

I am the only person that is in the corner of our M. My family and friends are all strongly advising me to let it go and move on. A very trusted friend even using the rattlesnake example, that if I pick it up again don't be surprised when I get bit. That is really something I need to continue to think about.

It would be so much easier to just let go and start fresh, and my logical brain knows this is the case. My heart will simply not let this happen though.

Just another in limbo, good luck to you all in your respective sitch's.