New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

major backslide last night and this morning. She came home early from work for her and it still seemed late to me and I asked her to just go ahead and leave. She has been warm at times and ice at times, and I'm having a tough time dealing with it. This morning after the kids went to school, I snapped and started yelling that I cannot take the constant pain and she needed to just go on and leave if she wanted to, or stay and work on it, but decide and move on either way. It took years to get here, I know, and it'll take a long time to resolve IF we do.
Ended up making her mad of course, and she really has no place to go, and we'd lose all we have if she did, so it's a moot point right now in many ways. I just need to see movement that I can measure, I guess, and that's what I told her after I calmed down. She said she's too angry with me now to respond, but she's still here because it's the "right thing to do even if she's no longer in love with me."
God grant me the strength to deal with this, as I really don't think I want to go on much longer in this R. I'm quickly falling out of love with her and loving only an idea of her and doing this only for my kids sake at this point. I almost wish she'd leave so I could go on with my life and find someone else who wants to be with me. She's not worth all of this misery I let her put me in. She wants to hang out in the bar scene with alcoholics all hours of the night at 40 years old, while I take care of the kids. Not going to do this much longer. I know I'm not supposed to give ultimatums, BUT I do need to protect myself and my kids. I'm starting to realize that I'M better than that and I don't want that life. It's passive/aggressive behavior on my part I realize, but up till now, it's been her that wants the marriage to end. She may get what she wants after all.
I just left it at setting my boundaries of no secrets, affairs, etc. and if that couldn't happen, then let's go on and tell the family and D. She agreed to that and said she'd get back to me on everything once she got over her anger.
Now I feel bad about my actions in one part, but respect myself for standing up for myself and feel good about being able to let her go. Almost cathartic. I really am starting to detach and see how maybe it wasn't just me that borked this R. For the 1st time in 3 months I feel ok with whatever happens and know that I'll survive and be better for it. Just need to step up for my kids as they're suffering because of OUR R issues here. That [censored].