The only exception is that I would love to improve the marriage, but it seems impossible from where I'm standing. Plus, I have to get by the daily ugly before I can even imagine what that would look like. I can't discuss the sexual moves that would drive my H wild, for example, when right now I don't even want to touch him.
I believe I have been brutally honest with him. I've even had separation papers drawn up, but he threatened to get really ugly about it and I didn't want to put S through that. He says he wants something different (Norman Rockwell), but he doesn't seem to be able to get past "his" wants in the marriage to even consider mine. He wants to have it but not do what's necessary to get it. Another quote from the book regarding the distancer when the pursuer stops prusuing: "This desperation is also generated by self-deception -- the expectation that the distancer can get more out of a relationship than he puts into it." I believe he's at that stage, where he's still trying to hold on to a self-beneficial, non-reciprocal relationship.
