If you like Pina Coladas....

[2thepoint]

Here's what I said:

"I'm not holding onto you anymore, I'm moving on and creating a life for me and the boys. I have accepted that my H and my M are over and gone, and to be honest, I wouldn't want that M back. It wasn't good for either of us. I didn't like who I was in that M. I can tell you that I still love you; not my H, but *you*. I love the guy who can go toe to toe with me and put me in my place, the guy who can make me have the sqweeky laugh that makes you laugh, the father of my children, the man who is my solid ground when I get shaky. I still love that man. I will also tell you that there is nothing that has been done or said that can't be forgiven and moved on from. I know that I'm not the one you want to help you through the pain and confusion, because I'm the one that caused it- but I would like to try. I can't apologize enough for some of the things I've done or said to you, I could say I'm sorry everyday of that would help (jokingly.) It took years of neglect for you to walk away, I have no expectation that any of it would change in a matter of weeks or months. You always wanted/needed me to be vulnerable with you and be completely open- it took me a year to figure out how to do that- but it was too late by then. And now that I am capable of being completely open with you, you don't want it. It's hard to have all these instincts and responses towards you- like reaching to give you a hug or expressing passion for you.Things that you always said you needed from me. I should learn to keep my mouth shut, but I just wanted to let you know where I'm at in this sitch."

Sometimes you just got to put "it" out there and then be at peace with your decision. DB has it's protocols but every sitch also has its own unique dynamics, so you do what works.

I think you were able to connect with your wayward H and only time will tell where it all leads. Just remember to have no expectations! I would also encourage you to refer back to those words on a regular basis to remind yourself what you are feeling and where your head is at during a moment of complete clarity. This will sustain you during the dark times.

Regarding the feedback your H gave you, "He told me that he thought I've been doing this a lot lately: not thinking about others reactions before I say something..." think about what he said because although you think you are succeeding at your 180's, it seems like maybe the old you pops up from time to time and you probably are not even aware of it. So just use it as a self check for future interactions.

Overall, I think this was a watershed moment for YOU.