Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

I talked to Laurie, the Divorce Busting coach today. I caught her up on my sitch and she asked about goals for the upcoming call with both my wife and I.

I mentioned that my wife thinks she needs more space before she can "miss" me, and that was the main point of the call - to figure out what we need to do with our separation to make it as productive as possible. I want my family back, dammit.

I also mentioned how my wife said (and clearly eggagerated) that every email I send her upsets her. I have already cut down a lot on the emails I send to the wife, and it's hard to see how I can cut down much more. It's hard to let go of the idea that W is just being unfair and a bad sport for not allowing good communication.

I'm having a hard time because 2 or three weeks ago, my wife was seeking out time and communication more and more with me, before we started talking about money again. I don't *want* to take a giant step back.

Anyway, I am going to try to find ways to initiate less communication and hopefully soon she'll come looking for me again.


Laurie also said not to stop on the acts of service as I have been tempted to do many times. If it is not upsetting W, do it because W seems to notice even if she is not able to acknowledge.

The real problem I'll continue to wrestle with this week is how to come up with a plan for dealing with finances and bills. Laurie says find a way to settle everything and let everything follow a clear plan so W and I just don't have to talk about it any more. "It" being that it's going to take all of 2012 for me to erase the debt of 2011.

The plan is not the hard part - it's getting W to agree with or acknowledge the plan.