New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

I feel like I'm being tested to see what my breaking point is. Both by my W and myself at times. How long can I take this? I'm not patient at all and it's only 3 months. I know with God, I can do longer, and this is the man I want my kids to see at the end of all this, regardless how it turns out. it is like a slow band-aid pull off over and over. I miss an idea of my wife and wonder if I miss a wife that really never was there, or never will be that wife. Oh, I got a feeling this will all end with ME, just hope I can act with patience, grace and compassion.
I'm better at setting boundaries with W and she listens now, but our relationship is just plain strange. if I had any extra $ I need to take a long trip by myself to sort out myself. Me being the primary childcarer for the last 3 years hasn't given me enough time for me. Raising 3 kids almost on my own has been rewarding in many ways though, and they know me better than her now and often come to dad with problems, that's rewarding and is priceless!