When it's a one-way street...part 3

[Accuray]

One simple question before I get into all the complicated stuff. Why does one of us have to do something? Why can't we just accept that this is how it is? I've wanted for my whole marriage for H to earn more money so I could quit work and be a SAHM. He was management when I met him. He's been steadily working his way down the corporate ladder ever since. He COULD go back to school and get a masters, but he hasn't. He COULD get some certification, but he hasn't. I've been blessed in my career and I'm making the best of it in spite of having to work when I don't want to, even going back to school myself, and I haven't brought it up to H in forever. It simply is what it is and it's not likely to change. Why are H's demands acceptable? Why isn't his approach "nagging?" Why isn't his claim that God wants us to sleep together "bullying?" It's certainly how I feel.

Ha ha! Good points. I can see I would enjoy debating with you in person. You are right -- you don't have to do anything. I guess I read into your post that you wanted to respond to that request from H, but you certainly don't have to. I thought you asked him what he wanted from marriage, he answered, and you were thinking about what it would take to deliver on that.

Don't get me started on the "what God wants" stuff. That would make me absolutely crazy too.

A couple other thoughts, when H asks you what you mean or what you think and you don't tell him, that's really aggravating, I think if you get to that point you're not doing yourself any favors by withholding your thoughts. I guess I would ask why you're having these conversations you're really not interested in having. You're going into them with your mind already made up. If H happens to support your pre-decision, it's a non-event. If he doesn't, the discussion isn't going to be productive because you're not going to respect what he has to say and you're really not motivated to change your position. Why are you even having these conversations?

I'm happy you found value in "The Solo Partner", I just received my copy in the mail too and was going to start it. I've been reading exclusively e-books because I can do it without scrutiny, so that one is going to be more of a challenge. Although 80% of pursuers are women, I am the 20%

--Accuray