Well, I read DR over, and over, and over, and OVER again and again. That alone probably helped the most. For those of you unfamiliar with me, I do behavioral therapy in a school setting for children with autism. So tracking behavior is literally my life. Michelle outlines this in her book by talking about looking for small, measurable goals (like for me, one was seeing how many times he called me in a day. Very objective, very measurable). I wrote it down in a personal blog to keep track and note progress over time. In the behavior world, we look at three things when looking for change: change in frequency (how often it happens), change in duration (how long it lasts), and change in intensity (how strong it is). Frequency is super easy to track. Duration can be too (how long did he stay on the phone with me?). Intensity is a little more subjective, but doable even for a newbie. This helped make it much less personal and much more like a science experiment. I had to look at the hard evidence.
Also, I was extremely, EXTREMELY patient. Every time Michelle wrote about patience in the book, at the bottom of the page I wrote "I have the patience of Job". It was my mantra for the whole ordeal. Patience is a learned skill. I teach it to my students daily. You can teach it to yourself too.
I also got a life (well, as much life as one can get being SUPER pregnant and having a newborn). I started training for a 5k (which I completed in October and helped me lose all my baby weight within a month postpartum). I went out to lunch with friends. I went on vacation with my mom and my baby for 2 weeks. I saw a LOT of movies (yes, the baby even went. She slept right through them!). I joined a church choir (before baby came) and cooked dinner regularly (H and I ate out a LOT). If mutual friends invited me to things instead of saying, "well, let me check with H first", I just agreed alone (and usually he would end up saying he wanted to tag along). I also got extremely independent with my funds (always a sore spot for H). I got on Mint.com and after 6 months of aggressive saving and some wise money moves (reimbursements for a few things and money making), I had 10k saved in my bank account. I also analyzed my spending habits and impressed H with knowing where my money went, why it went there, and how I had paid down debt. I just became as independent as possible in every realm possible.
I read a lot about self improvement and about mental illness (my H later was said to have postpartum depression... yes, men can have it too). I went to therapy. I got on antidepressants (and heavily researched which one would be safest while breastfeeding). I recognized very quickly that I needed to get my body chemically balanced postpartum and sought medical help. I made me the best me I could be. I realized I was very talented in my field and had more education than my H, and had a very loving, supportive family and could get through it. I tried to let go.
And I posted here. LOTS. And I took as much advice as I could get.
I didn't do it perfectly by any means. There were road blocks and stumbles. But I have absolutely no doubt I could not have done it and come out with this outcome without DBing. No question.
I hope that was of some help! I occasionally post on the piecing board if anyone wants to keep up with my sitch. And while being a new mom keeps me super busy, I'll try to help answer questions when I can. Lord knows thats a huge part of how I got through this was because of this board.
