Adventures in GALing

[AntoniaB]

Ha Renee I just put two and two together to figure out who you were on the alt ;-)

I understand exactly what you're saying about fearing that you won't be able to live with someone again because you don't want to lose your independence and the choice to do what you want when you want.

A friend of mine (male) is divorced now 14 years and the most he will do is have a group of friends with benefits women in his life. He is very guarded about his emotions and will not allow any vulnerability and has this huge list of things he won't tolerate (like he won't even consider living with someone who has a pet of any type) and it's all really just a way he can avoid being with anyone in a real commitment. I think he's afraid of being hurt, and so he finds reasons to stay alone.

I worry too that I won't be able to give up certain things (or that I will do it and live with someone only to then find I hate it and feel like I need to be the WAS or whatever). I don't want to hurt someone ELSE.

I just tell myself that it's still kind of "new" for me, only just coming up on 2 years post-bomb, and that in time I'll probably relax a bit and not be so fearful that I can't make compromises. I also figure that "the right person" will make me want to make compromises...

The "all or nothing" thinking is a problem I struggle with, the idea that if I feel now like "I can never get married or live with anyone again" is overwhelming as then I think "Oh no, I'll be alone and struggling the rest of my life." But I think we have to tell ourselves that just as things so rapidly changed to put us alone once that it can also swing in the opposite direction and our life can rapidly change to accomodate someone else if the time is right.

And if we really value our being alone now, we just have to work with that and not project far into the future and make assumptions that it will always be this way.