Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[mishka422]

I hear ya with the fake people ptc. The tennis scene seems to be the worst of them! YIKE! I don't fit any of the sterotypes around here in any way...thank heavens! LOL

OMG! That was not just a stab, that was a stab, twist back and forth, reach your hand in and pull out your heart. UGH. Did he ever respond with even an apology? That is truly disgusting.

So you go to Southside? Andy Stanley is a wonderful speaker and teacher. I go to Dogwood. Love it!

I'm so glad your volunteer work fulfills you! That's what I was hoping to hear. As long as it trully feeds your soul then it is great!

My cousin is a personal chef down in FL. She went through a training course up here somewhere to be certified. It wasn't cheap, but if you want the name of it I'd be glad to find out.

Cooking at the Botanical Gardens? Cool! I've actually never been there but have been wanting to go. Maybe I'll have to venture up there. I love to cook!

[Yasu]

Hello Cadet,
I too am in the area. I would like to begin volunteering and Expanding GAL actives. Have been working on renovating rental house in Athens, but live in Marietta. I so wish to get out and meet folks that have DB/DR and Egotist type husbands in what appears to be MLC. I have not done a good job writing up my story, and have not had much reply, other than, "why in the heck would you want a character like that?". That in itself was very painful to read.

I have been in the separation drama now entering the fourth year. I am sure the MLC, or plain and simple dishonesty began a few or so more years earlier. Please read my sorry story, keeping in mind it is unbalanced, And I really wish I could re-do it now. Not really sure where you guys are in the avenues, could be many places in Georgia. But it would be great to get a DB club together, don't you think? Hope to hear from you, yas

[Yasu]

PS I am a former UGA professor. What is your son studying? Or whoever son is studying there? I'm a little mixed up from more than one Georgian on this thread!

[Yasu]

I apologize, Cadet, I have all the user names mixed up.

But I do know those golf cart paths. That is one little cute city worth the drive. There is the nicest spa/hotel buried in the woods, Amongst those golf course roads, I got so mixed up trying to find the place to meet a girlfriend last year.

I stopped at the Starbucks on the main Highway to re-group. You must realize the difference between golf paths and streets! The people were so nice in the little town. I drove home that night. But really should have treated myself to the Zen like atmosphere of the place.

Do I have the right place in mind? A tree with delicious fruit? Please advise. And too, please don't judge me to harshly for my convoluted post of my sitch. Understand what this turmoil can do when you discover DB years down the road, once a lot of damage has been done.

I really don't need to be busted in the head with 2x4's at this point in time. I so much need to GAL and improve my health for the last push.

Even though I have never pushed out any babies, I think I would be a good coach, and am reaching out to my fellow Georgians here on this site. I so relate to your stories, and I am so excited that I am ahead of myself in wanting to know you.

I will respond to your individual situations once the mania subsides a bit here! It again, is very exciting to see you here. But frustrating to me, as my medications prevent me from holding more than one concept in my head at once. Look forward to being a more able contributor. Yas

[ptcr]

Volunteered on the host team at church yesterday and met a pilot's wife who went through a very similar experience with her now exhusband. We took our dogs for a walk later and she told me about the various attornies in town and who she used and that she would not file. She also suggested we attend Al-Anon meetings together. Honestly, the personality of her ex is a mirror image of mine. Of course, the details are different. I was glad to talk to someone who was a DB-type personality. She read Dobson's Tough Love, etc, and was familiar with all of it. I am finally honing my contacts to avoid the ones with the vengeance is mine-type unsolicited advice.

After church, came home and trimmed roses with H's awesome power tools. Ha! S16 and I went to see that new movie Valor something...about Navy Special Forces. Bad move as I was a pregnant Navy wife with a deployed husband who missed 6 months of my pregnancy AND the birth AND 3 weeks of S18's life.

Today, I go to see my therapist and have a walking date for later today. I have to send back my computer to my former employee and that will be a pain. I cannot find the boxes ANYWHERE! Will look in garage attic.

Reading Codependent No More and cannot believe I keep finding myself on EVERY single page. So...doing exercises at end of each chapter in my journal. WOW. Ordered Women Who Love Too Much also.

So, for all these hard earned changes I did back pedal this weekend. Please advise.

Home Friday to find H has moved all his stuff out of his closet and the armoire. If he had moved it to his room across town it would have been one thing, but it seemed to me (oops-projecting) that he was just trying to be mean because he moved it into the playroom closet????? My clothes storage space just increased, so not really a big deal, just seemed like one of his mean tricks that he used to play on his sister. I think I will take down all the pictures though. Painful reminder of who he USED to be.

To top this off, got the full rundown from S16 about his Dad's actions, constant texting, text S16 saw on his iphone, blek. Don't forget got the nasty sext to which he said "sorry, no she was not at our lake house" (which i DO NOT believe). I promise you he is a cruel, arrogant man who has been verbally abusive to me for years. Detach. Trying and he still gets to me. Noted, he had gone through my stuff and taken expensive massage oil and some stuff from our sex drawer. I COULD SCREAM!

So, set that up for an ANGRY codependent me...and he sends me this email about our budget and the fact he received a HUGE check from the VA for disability benefits. Remember, we are in debt and this would CLEAR a LARGE credit card bill in the thousands...interest rate going up in April from 0% to 14% (mishka you know the entitled attitude, you reading this???). So he tells me about it and that it is HIS and NOT family money and that he is "sacrificing" for our family by being in a room across town and not in an apartment. He also called in sick to work to host OW to a Radiohead concert Thursday that I bought tickets for us to attend. Blek...

So, Saturday, he texts me that he has decided to keep the money for himself because it is his and he has the medical problems...which is a total scam because he has inherited hypertension from his father. Nothing active duty service did to him. He has already opened his own checking, savings account. He has Viagara, lots of cash, and a slut on his arm. What can I do, nothing....but he was so arrogant I could NOT help myself. Broke cardinal rule. I know. I lost my cool.

I, in a series of texts, told him that I was advised that all assets and monies were joint marital property in our state. Also told him I would not notarize his budget (which he asked me to do). I told him I was advised to sign nothing. SO, this is making him crazy. Not my goal. I was hurting. I wanted him to see the reality from MY position. So, I told him I had seen an attorney about my rights. He makes 100% of our income and he left me in "good faith" that I would pay bills while he played playboy and that money would be deposited.

So, he starts ranting that on principle the money is his. I told him what attorney's fees cost and retainer fees and also mediation fees, which are about the exact amount of the check he received. Part of me wanted to serve him just so he had to take his check and GIVE IT TO AN ATTORNEY, shoot a BIG part of me did. I told him I wanted the check in a joint account and asked if we were starting to play the hide the money game...pilots do this ALL THE TIME. He said, if you want to get divorced over $7000 then fine. He has offered thta I might "lawyer up" on him in the past.

He is antagonizing me. I know it. It is his MO. He told me once that he turned on everyone that was important to him in his life and that this was a symptom of his dysarthria. Yep, it is the truth. He has alienated so many people. He has allowed so many relationships to fizzle....good friends...sad....

So, back pedal, yes. Yesterday he sent a few texts about things for the taxes. A pain for him to do across town without my knowledge base and our files. I answered him. No phone contact, thank goodness.

I have a full week of friends, walks, and lunch dates for which I am happy. I am busy rearranging my master bedroom closet now that I have spill over into his. I am writing and looking for an Al Anon meeting. I, thank goodness, see my therapist today. All this is for me. I have stopped spying on him. I am still furious about the money, the fact that he pilfered through my stuff and took what he wanted, and that he is so blatantly flaunting his affair in front of our kids. I can do nothing about this. I know. Just thought I would update. This forum is a Godsend.

Mishka, how is FIL visit? I know some people that attend your church. They love it also.

[mishka422]

FIL visit is....interesting. UGH! LOL

WOW! That is quite a backpedal but I totally understand what set you off. That is quite ridiculous. He's 'sacrificing'? Really? Oh good grief!

I'm so sorry he is flaunting all of this in your kid's faces. That is truly sick! He definitely has major issues and needs therapy in a bad way but with his obvious narciscism he will not get it. Sad.

It's very good that you have a full week of GAL activities scheduled. Keeping yourself busy is imperative.

I am, in no way, an advocate of D, however, I think you are going to need to do something legally pretty quick to save your family assets. He will spend every penny on his new lifestyle and leave you and your kids high and dry at some point without a court order.

I'm sure there is a way to freeze the assets and protect them without actually filing but I don't know what that might be. Get to a L ASAP. Did you say you have an appt. with Linda?

[ptcr]

See her today at 3. H sent me a text and wants to talk $$ at 2. HA! I will record it as per my Pat's suggestion.

Therapist today, love her to pieces, said that most women benefit from the waiting that DB allows us, if only in the GAL aspect and the disconnect/detach time that we have while still being a full-time stay at home wife and mom. She has some crazy pilot stories too. Good grief! It is rampant here. Absolutely rampant.

She also suggested I was NOT codependent and merely dealt with a controlling bully who was gone half the time and that it looked a little like oodependency but the goals were good...detach, GAL, etc so that I would not be drawn into his madness.

Read her all the crazy texts and the sacrifice comments, and the matter of principle, etc, and she was howling. So, I had some laughter today! That is definitely good. If nothing else, this makes for great fodder for the book I am writing. Can't decide whether to go full on drama or memoir. Been researching the pieces out of self publishing on Kindle. I could NEVER even dream this stuff up that has happened to me. He actually said "I will not discuss my personal life with you" AFTER he sexted ME thinking I was HER!!!!!! Really?

Going to prepare my thoughts for 2:00 phone call. Upbeat, calm, etc.

Thinking of going to an Alanon meeting tonight at 8. S16 has hockey practice though and he still does not drive...but has test later this week!

[mishka422]

Could he get a ride with a team mate? I just think the AlAnon meeting could help so much.

[ptcr]

PRogress???? We talked and he is paying off credit card less consult for attorney fees for himself....so thankful for a glimmer of good sense. Stayed calm though. Got off phone after budget talk and only made 1 mention of gross GF at our lake house and could not help asking if he took stuff from my room and repeated my preference that he NOT come in our house and pilfer through my stuff but tell me what he needs. Back pedalling a bit and setting my boundaries. Good grief this is hard.

Thanks for listening my friends. Alanon tonight.

[mishka422]

How did Alanon go?