MC says to call it quits

[Accuray]

Hi Adinva,

Thanks for checking in. I spoke to the MC one-on-one after our last session and he said that my W has "taken a critical healing mechanism off the table" by not being willing to work on things and just expecting to be accepted "as is". He said that in his opinion W doesn't want to deal with things. It's hard not to be able to make any requests or want to work on improving our marriage without upsetting her and being the bad guy, I feel painted into a corner. On the last night of our ski vacation we were out to dinner with the kids and she was complaining about the weather. I told her "you really didn't enjoy this vacation did you?" She then got really angry and said she was just going to leave the restaurant. I didn't want that to happen in front of the kids so I talked her back down, but I was VERY tempted to let her leave, because I don't think that storming out is acceptable behavior.

Between that, discovering that W wants more space in the marriage and less intimacy, that W has accepted being chronically unhappy and doesn't want to deal with it and the fact that the ML has been getting worse, I am questioning my commitment.

I've been doing online weight watchers for a few weeks and have lost about 7 pounds. I've also started a new exercise program. From my perspective, if this doesn't work out, I'm going to be feeling as good as I can about myself at the end. Working on these things has really allowed me to care less about what's going on with W and "do my thing" which feels like I'm heading back to where I was before the bomb dropped, but I don't see that W is giving me options.

In terms of your question about what's keeping me motivated? I would have to say it's about 85% the kids at this point. They are really very happy and I know that dealing with a divorce would be devastating for them, particularly because of my W's unhappiness and bad moods. I'm a buffer for that while I'm in the house, but if I was gone they wouldn't have anywhere to go.

I would like a better marriage, I feel like I've pushed it as far as I can alone. I'm not sure where to go from here. I think we ran MC as far as it's going to help. I ordered "The Solo Partner" per Cadet and it came the other day, I'm going to start reading that. I read "The Passion Trap" but we're not clearly in a one-up, one-down dynamic, it wasn't as applicable as I had hoped.

BTW, W doesn't say "it wasn't good for me" -- I stopped asking.

Thanks for checking in Adinva, how's it going for you?

Accuray