Thanks purg!! I needed that this morning. I needed to feel like it's still ok that I love my H and want my M, even though he's lost his way right now!! As much of a shocker these past few months have been, and as horrible as he has been about this whole situation and all the deception, I still feel like all of the time we had together, before this deployment, is worth trying to save.
I know that we will never be able to go back and I know that I want a NEW R with H, but if he ever returns to some form of his old self, he was a wonderful husband and father!! It's worth waiting for!
I think you are totally right about the see-saw effect. If we are having those thoughts and feelings, being the fairly sane ones in these sitches, then it should only be natural that our WAS have the same effect. Perhaps, for them, their feelings change so quickly or more intensely. It takes us days sometimes weeks to process and sort out our feelings then something changes or happens and we need to start all over or process new feelings. Maybe with them, because they can be angry one second and thankful the next, they feel like they love us and want to stay one minute and then the next minute they hate us and want out! If it's more rapid or more intense it's a lot harder to process what they are feeling *rationally*!
I have known all along that I wanted my M and that I loved my H, but the confirmation of OW starting a lot further back than I realized, really shook me and made me feel like I hadn't yet about my sitch. I guess maybe I needed it. I needed to have my feelings shaken in order to really, really find out that I still want my M.
I know H doesn't know I know and I think that, if is does bounce back and forth, he tells himself I'll never forgive him anyway! I am hoping when he realizes that I know and have still been here for him, it will help him to realize that I might just surprise him if he decides he wants back in.
I have to let his world be shaken then let him try to process it and see what happens next!!
Me31 H33 M11 T15 S10, D4 H deploys 01/11 H R&R two weeks 10/11 ILYBNILWY/sep 12/11 homecoming 1/12 pos D 1/13
