Indecision and the affair continues (part 3)

[Nblost]

H is leaving tomorrow morning. He was not happy with me this weekend. He didn't get affection from me and I wasn't very responsive to his conversations. (I was actually in a bad mood this morning and was grumpy with him...I apologized when he got back from a run). A couple times when things didn't go well with the kids...he swore under his breath at me. I can handle it...but it's annoying. I still think he's in such a selfish place that it's hard for him to deal with the family.

He went to look for places today. He doesn't seem to have thought through the finances yet...he seems to be in a bit of a fantasy world about us both being able to continue to live in nice places. (We live in an expensive area and I can continue to rent the house I'm in...but if he is required to pay child support...which I expect he will have to do...he can't afford an equally nice place)

I may file for separation sometime in the next couple weeks. I have some income that I want to protect. Also, it'll protect me from H spending down our money. H said that was okay with him.

I'm still really struggling with things...but, again, it's been 7 months of this crap. Also, he has plans next weekend and won't tell me what they are. From past experience, the vibe I get is that he has plans with OW. He claims it's not a vacation this time...but what's the difference if he's in her city and they are doing fun things.

Yeah, the affection from him is hard. I'm not into it anymore (just done trying to compete)...but, he can still be nice and he still says he loves me...so it can be hard not to let him give me a backrub or hug me. It is an interesting test though to try to kiss him and have him turn his head...