WHG: And Alice goes down the rabbit hole...

[workinghardguy]

Kids and I had a great time tonight. They really had a blast swimming. Afterward we went to the Chinese buffet and they ate like kings. Then we came back to my place so they could see our dog and chill. SS played XBox which he was missing desperately. SD played some too, and then her and S did crafts. They made love cards for my W. Not my idea, but that's what they wanted to do and I didn't think it was my place to redirect them and I helped out as needed.

W was ok when I got kids. Actually about 2pm she texted me and asked curtly if 2:30 to 3 meant 2:30 or 3. I simply replied I was busy with a bunch of projects and it meant whenever I got done, but if she wanted to bring them over and drop them off that was fine with me and save me the trip there. I get this dramatic reply about how she hasn't left the house at all today and is pretty depressed right now so she didn't have the energy to leave the house to drive them here (8 blocks away). I didn't reply. Got over there about 2:45 and got the kids. She certainly looked and acted very depressed.

Actually she reminded me of how she was back in October. This was when she was terribly depressed and talking in fatalistic terms. Back then she was so depressed "because she felt trapped in the house with me and can't stand it here but has no choice." So she would run to her friend's house regularly to "escape" our house and me. Hmmm... well, that certainly ain't it this time! She did give me a bag of photos. Some where mine from my high school/college years, but about half were photos of us, our wedding, trips, etc... Not sure where they came from but I took them and said thanks. No tears, etc... whatever.

One very freeing part of this current sitch is that I don't feel beholden to her depression. In the past I would've responded to her mood/behavior tonight with desperate attempts to make her happy. Instead of engaging and finding out the problem I would've made the world saccharine sweet for her based on the belief/feeling that I was part of the core reason for her unhappiness.

It's freeing because clearly there's nothing I could've done that caused today. Maybe something I did or did not do had a second or third order effect, or perhaps it's something from a while past that is affecting her (though highly doubtful). But I don't feel on the hook or responsible for her mood/behavior/condition. She's on her own and her depression remains very much as it was before. So much for her theory that removing herself from me would solve her depression.