When it's a one-way street...part 2

[2thepoint]

No worries, CV. Apply these in your own time.

"It's just that I can't even imagine myself saying/doing that right now. I couldn't pull it off without it sounding insincere."

I understand. It is probably very foreign to you considering where you are at emotionally.

One thing to keep in mind, random acts of kindness pay big dividends.

Here are two examples:

My friend/roommate is D and his Ex and him have had bitterness between them. She moved 1000 miles away with their son, so he has to make time to see his son regularly at great expense. The bitterness between them was palpable and co-parenting was difficult at best.

One day he made the trip to see his son and knocked on the door and his Ex answered. This time, he did something different. He shook her hand and said hello Ex. That simple gesture of respect opened up big doors for them in their relationship. It still isn't perfect but the ice has melted significantly and they are much better at co-parenting then before.

Here's the other example:

The other day I went into Starbucks and ordered a coffee and danish. I attempted to pay with a $100 bill. Apparently they have a policy that they don't accept anything larger than a $20. This policy annoys the hell out of me. It is money and it is legal tender and they should accept it.

Now if it was first thing in the morning and they didn't have enough cash in the drawer, I could understand. But this was mid-morning on a Saturday and they had two registers going at the time. I was so annoyed and I was really laying into the cashier abut not being able to make change between the two drawers. The point is, I was working myself into enough of a lather that I could have foamed my own cup of latte!!!

Anyway, some guy standing behind me puts his hand on my shoulder and says, don't worry about it, I got you covered. Well, you could just imagine how quickly my dander went down several notches. I finally relented and paid with my credit card.

Bottom line, there are ways to change the dynamic in a situation and some are subtle (shaking someones hand) and some more overt (offering to pay for someones coffee in order to diffuse an escalating situation).

So although it feels unnatural, you'd might be surprised by the reaction you'd get AND how YOU feel about it, if you did something totally unexpected.