I separated W and my cell phone services and a few other small bills. My thinking here was to keep our phone info separate (no temptations to snoop on my part) and to allow us each to taste the reality of being on our own.
Much less contact after a few heated texts/emails about splitting our possessions in a D process. She seemed very angry that I'd want some of the things I brought into the M back. Later she sent an apology email about demanding I give her more $ for phone bill and has not mentioned D again.
Last Tueday, W sent me an email that noted: "I feel the best thing for us is distance. I can't be swayed by your being loving, kind and giving to me. I fall for it every time. That is the man I love."
On Wed, she said she had mail for me. Instead of wanting to meet at a neutral site, she offered to come to my apartment when I noted I was home. Prior to her arrival, my adrenaline had been raised by my XW arriving with our son, her brother and her dog (I'd agreed to watch S12 and her dog while she went to an out-of-town funeral). They left, and I asked S12 to shower and read in his room.
W arrived, dropped my mail on the counter and raced to my master bathroom, walking thru my bedroom to get there. A GF later said W was obviously seeing what I was up to. I goofed by telling her she looked great, hugging her from the rear and smelling her hair. I asked her for a kiss, but she asked me to back up and left. Big goof - I know. PMA went south.
I sent text thanking her for bringing mail. Her response: whatever.
I noted that she looked hot. Her reply: Stop flirting w me.
I joked - Sorry, stiff upper lip, all professional here.
On Thur, I stupidly replied to her Tues email about wanting distance and noting her love for me, asking if she merely wanted to stay separated but distant or if she still wanted to meet with a D mediator soon. Her reply: Really
On Facebook, she hid her R status (from M), and deleted my S12 as one of her kids, as well as all pics of me. Gotta stop looking at her profile...
Still doing GAL work - able to run again now that knee is better, working out in gym, enjoyin guitar lessons, and work is going well. On Fri, started sleep meds (was only sleeping 2-3 hrs/night) and new antidepressant to lighten mood (had quit last summer durin a truly rough time). As GAL work, real-world GFs say I need to get out with other women and do things like dinners, convo, and dance lessons.
Any advice? It seems like things are speeding up or that at least some change is occuring. I get the feel that she is doing the "ILYBNILWU" thing, with a D still being pressed, but truthfully I have no idea what is going on in her head.
