Last night was probably one of the weirdest nights of my life. Ending up watching some of the NBA All-Star Weekend stuff with H. Not much convo, just some laughs and comments here and there. He didn't seem distant, maybe a little afraid I was going to go postal on him or something because of our earlier convo (old Ro probably would have). I looked crazy after hours and hours of crying. Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch, woke up about 1am and headed to bed.
Then the craziness starts. I have a dream that I see H leave the house, but I see his car down the street. Its not even the car he has, which is weird. Says he's just going out for a while. We have an argument about OW, then he leaves. Switch scene- I see H out at a restaurant and this woman with him says he's her H. I say how can that be when we've been married since 2009? More craziness happens with me chasing them through a shopping center.
I wake up an hour later breathing really fast and with chest pains. Can't get back to sleep until around 4am.
And another dream starts. I am on the phone with one of my high school classmates. She's saying her and H are together. We argue back and forth. Scene switch- I'm at my house and H is there. The furniture is all different. I find out he's had OW and friends over. I'm devastated and he's adamant that they will be together.
I wake up this morning and have another dizzy spell. I think to myself, trying to DB my marriage is going to end me up in the coo-koo's nest.
H gets up and gets dressed. I am in bed with a headache trying to get the room to stop spinning. He tells me he's going to pick up his contacts and get some eye exam they wanted him to have. Makes a point to say he's taking the trash out. Asks me if I have a headache because I am covering up my eyes. I explain that I had another dizzy spell. He says I should take some Tylenol for my headache, but I tell him I don't want to take it on an empty stomach. He asks me if I want him to go get me some food - He will go before he goes to run his errand. I tell him I appreciate it, but there's leftover pizza and I'll just eat some of that. He makes a point to tell me that he is going to get his contacts and he's coming straight back.
Long way to say nothing I guess. I'm trying to look for positives but it seems we always take 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Need to figure out my short-term goals.
