When he came home and said that statement, instead of 1.smiling 2.saying thanks 3.saying i love you too (which could be pursuing, but in this case might have been ok)
You punished him! Think of it like this: if your S4 made you a bowl of cereal and he was super proud of himself, you wouldn't point out to him that he made a mess in the process, would you? You wouldn't tell him to not do it again. You WOULD smile, give lots of praise and tell him it was the best breakfast you'd ever had- you would go over the top with thanks. And guess what, your S would probably do it again and again because he knew that he made you happy.
Do you think H had any reason to say anything like that statement he made again? You basically told him that you don't believe him (and you may not) but if you are still wanting to save your M, you've got to give him A LOT of credit when he does these things. Psychology 101: reinforce POSITIVE behaviors through acknowledgement and praise, ignore the negative ones.
I would give my right arm (because I'm left handed) to hear my H say something like that to me! I probably would have flown over the counter and ML to him in the doorway- not caring if anybody saw us b/c it would have made me the happiest person in the world in that moment.
Ok, now back to you. *You* are the one here and *you* are the one we care about.
Sadly, I don't have much to offer in regards to the OW issue. I am struggling with the same conflict of wanting to ignore it and move past it, but at the same time I want an apology and see some remorse from H. I just remember what 25 has told me: that it's not OUR job to show or teach them the error of their ways, life will do it for them. IMO- Life should hurry it's little @ss up!!!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
