With that said, my first instincts were to welcome him in. Lord knows I have the room and could use some help with the house payment. It would also be a good chance to reconnect with him and get closer. Plus it would be nice to have someone else living here besides just S and I. And he's a good guy, just down on his luck right now.
My first instinct is to say yes to him living here. But I worry what message that sends to my W about coming back. Then I think about why the heck do I care what she thinks? I guess just don't trust my internal voice right now... any input or thoughts are appreciated.
I think you answered your own question
But I completely understand not trusting your own instinct during this sitch. I sometimes feel like I need advice on whether I should wear the black shirt or the pink one (just an example of something silly) b/c I question everything I do lately!! If you let your brother move in- and I think you SHOULD- your W may see this as you creating a life without her, and possible make her stop and think... but she also might not care.
You have to make a decision that is best for *you* and only you. Do you hope that she will have a reaction to this? You probably hope that in some way, she will think "well, I can't come home now b/c he has his brother living with him." But that thought is giving into the assumption that she *wants* to come back, which you haven't had any indication of (I'm sorry if that was painful to read, I didn't like writing it.) If you live with no assumptions and no expectations, than I think your choice is easy. Having your brother around will be good for both of you, you'll have company in the house, a new person to GAL with and a chance to develop that 'brotherly bond' that you said was lacking.
Not sure of your faith/beliefs, but I am a believer that your higher power puts people in our path to help guide up to the next curve in the road... you may not know it when it happens, but down the road you will probably look back and realize it was for the best. I know that there are many examples of this currently in my life and my sitch. Having this opportunity come to you, could be because you both need healing and for what ever reason, you too have the capacity to help each other right now to get onto the next step in your life.
Heck, if he moves in and someday your W mentions 'not being able to move back in' than at least you'll know that she's considered it! Just b/c he moves in now, doesn't mean it's permanent. Perhaps he just needs a few months to get his feet back under him.... and since you area wise DBer, you can share this information with him to get him there.
Perhaps you'll find your answer in a song or message today at church
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
