"H has has been very loving father towards S4 up until recently. Always helped out with anything, from getting up in the middle of the night to changing diapers. He has admitted on a few occasions that he is jealous of S4 and that I put all of my energy towards S4. I don't disagree with him, I know I should have balanced it out better than I have."
NH, lots of good stuff here. I didn't get a chance to read all of it yet, but definitely wanted to comment on the quote, and a few other things.
I believe Father-son jealousy is a common condition. My parents divorced when I was six, and my mother would always say, "Your father was always jealous of you." It sort of made me feel like the Golden child. Your s4 is obviously a very bright, special little boy--and it's very common for women to idolize their son(s), so perhaps that's an area that you could do a 180.
I read your posts up until Mohegan--which was in December before Christmas--Here are my thoughts about those happenings. First--congratulations on ML! That's huge. I haven't had the opportunity to do that with my wife since Oct 17th...but I'm still alive and well.
It seems like your h is going through a mid-life crisis. Since the birth of your son, he's not feeling as though he's getting as much love as he used to. Perhaps I should say attention there not love. Because, as we all know having children changes everything.
I recommend if you haven't done this already, go out on a date--ask him if he wants to go. Hire a sitter, etc. Go out and have a good time.
I do have a big question though...with OW--was there anything physical there that you know of? You mentioned earlier that you had been spying on his phone...I'd recommend you stop that--but I am a culprit of that myself. It's such tantalizing fruit--to peer into the phone to see what's going on.
I have to say on that matter, that last year, it really started to concern me when this other guy had 204 txts to my wife and I had like 300 something. I said, "This bastard's only known my wife a year, and he's almost caught up with me!" I'm sorry, I love everyone, but if you have to go chasing after someone's husband or wife, you've got issues! I'll leave it at that.
Ohh, I don't know if you bought a cat yet--but instead of buying one, you could try to adopt a neighbor cat, by leaving food out back? Hopefully that way you'll find a nice neighbor cat that you don't have to take responsibility for, but your s can still feel like he has a pet. Just an idea.
Last thing--not sure if you tried a coach yet, but maybe you should sign on for one session. It might be worth it. You're definitely still at a decent point in your relationship (not at defcon 4 like I was at the beginning of the year.--I know it's still really tough, but you can use a lot of other techniques because the two of you are still (as of 12/20) still living together, and communicating to a decent degree.
Hope this is still topical. I'll try to read through the rest of your posts later this weekend.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
