2, I've thought that long ago myself. Part of me believes that H is still going to be shocked when I finally do leave. It's like knowing for months that someone is dying, but still being taken back when they do. I'm sorry you didn't get more warning. To the contrary, my talking about wanting a divorce has made me the villain to my in-laws, so I don't know if that works either.
There is much anger and resentment in my posts, because I'm talking about the past with my H. If I was writing about the day my S was born, I couldn't do it without crying. That doesn't mean it's in my conscious brain today. It doesn't mean that memory/feeling manifests every time I look at him. I am capable of living in the present and actually prefer to do so. That's why I keep pointing to SBT. That's why it appeals to me so much.
I keep searching because I need to know that I tried everything. What I do will impact my S for the rest of his life, as well as a bunch of other people. Trading one misery for another isn't any better. People like KD keep telling me it can be saved, so I listen. My H keeps telling me he wants to improve things, to work on our marriage. He tells me that quite often but I never actually see any action. If I ask him what he's doing, what I'm missing, he gets angry. He tells me what I need to do (ie. go to church with him) but doesn't address my issues. I'm willing to do what he wants if he would be willing to do what I want. He either isn't willing or isn't capable.
If my H would stop telling me that, I could wrap my head around it and plan a future without him, whether I'm still married or not. There would be no pain because I can accept what is, just not the dangling promise of what won't be. I don't plan on going anywhere until my s is grown anyway. Then I would just be happy getting a job that offered travel so I could get away. A friend of mine was offered a contracting job in Dubai, and she's been there for years. She only sees her H about once every couple months when he goes to visit her. I so envy her!!!
