Not going to do a day-by-day this time around. This week has been strangely pleasant as far as the sitch is concerned. W seems to have softened a bit. I've noticed a number of small things, from not trying to actively physically distance herself from me in times when we'd be standing close together, to mild flirting. I don't believe I'm imagining any of this, because these were things she definitely was NOT doing prior to our meeting with the pastor.
I haven't mentioned this previously, but the pastor wanted me to focus on and meditate about Ephesians 5:25-33. It really provides a lot of food for thought. He also wanted me to spend more time serving her, so I've been going a little above and beyond as far as my chores go. I haven't been washing her clothes for her, or anything, but I've been making sure cleaning isn't something she has to do. She seems to have noticed. "Thank you" gets said a lot more often lately. Of course, chores aren't the only thing I've been doing. In general, I've just tried to be more contextually responsive to a given situation, more agreeable at times when I would have tuned her out before.
One thing that does stick out in my mind was a discussion about the house that came up a couple of days ago. MIL really loves our house, and W was telling me about that. She went on to say that "if for some reason, we can't work it out" that one of us should keep the house. While I think that already went without saying, the change in her verbiage about the sitch was striking. Before, there wouldn't have been any real room for uncertainty.
Tonight, she and I are going to church and then to dinner (at the restaurant we both worked in early on in our R). I'm going to give her my apology. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on the things I've done wrong (the drinking and all that happened as a result, etc), and I've noted how things have been different for me, physically and mentally since I stopped. While 11 days sober isn't any large accomplishment considering how long I drank, the difference in my mental state has been profound so far. One thing I know for sure is that she didn't deserve to be treated the way I was treating her, and for that I'm both truly sorry and repentant. Now I just hope she'll forgive me. The pastor told me specifically to ask for that. We'll just see how it goes.
It might sound like I'm starting to deviate a bit from the DB path, but I don't think I am. I haven't been told to do anything that runs contradictory to any of the things I was already doing, or any of the advice provided so far - in fact, I would say it's complementing my efforts. I'm not about to rest on my laurels, however. I know that things can still blow back up with the slightest false move.
Could it be that confession in front of a third party did something to slow the train down?
Me: 31 W: 28 M: almost 6 T: 10.5 S2 Bomb#1: 05/11 Bomb#2: 11/11 S'd: 11/28/11 Moved back in: 12/28/11 MC: 06/28/12
