Waiting for the tides to change - 3

[BFloat]

it's been a weird week! ok.. so i wrote a letter.. read it.. then went to bed. did not send it!! and when i woke up in the morning, i felt differently. and reading all your comments really solidified for me that i made the right choice.

2thepoint, ces, rick, purg.. you are all right!! there were some major positives and i only focused on the negatives. and my letter, although i felt every word.. had i sent it, what would it have accomplished? it was me trying to voice my frustration and why he couldn't just see my point. and would i have felt better? no. probably worse. that i had hurt him and tried to make him feel guilty. and would that have made him magically change his mind? no. i chose not to do anything.

ok.. back to the weird week...

so today H txts me asking what time he should come get the kids (because he was taking them to lego exhibit). i answered.. don't we have an appt w/ the lawyer at 1000? he completely forgot about it (and he was the one that set it up). anyway, he shows up and we sort of had a laugh when the lawyer was here. i swear.. i have never seen a lawyer move so slow. in his defense he had injured his writing hand and looked close to retirement.

i had intended on keeping D with me but she freaked out when we were in the car and she didn't see S and H. so he ended up taking both. i wanted to go but had errands to run before weekend. on my way home, i picked up lunch for all of us. when they got home, H looked like he wasn't sure what to do. I said he could take his lunch with him if he wanted but he asked if i minded if he stayed to eat here. i didn't mind.

after lunch, H seemed to be lingering. i spent some time sitting by the window seat cuddling w/ D and S and reading stories. i thought H would leave but he sat down on the couch and then fell asleep.

he didn't leave until 8pm! weird! he finally woke up (because i put on jurassic park to watch w/ S). he lingered.. watched parts of the movie.. played w/ kids.. sat on computer to look at finances.. he just hung around!

i was ok with it because it didn't make me sad or anything. rather it made me think.. this is our life (the kids and i) and this is what you're missing. the kids enjoyed the extra time w/ him and i figured, can't hurt to have some positive interactions to replace some of the recent negative ones. it's just baffling.

retrouvaille is coming up soon. i'm a little nervous. i haven't mentioned again to H but gave him receipt today (for deposit) because he's been keeping track of expenses. he didn't mention not going so i'm assuming it's still on.

my GAL for this weekend.. spending time w/ my babies tomorrow. maybe take them to a movie? then gf going to come for a visit. yay! and then sunday we will have people over for an oscar party. actually, none of us really watch the oscars.. just an excuse to get together and have the kids play together too.

it's getting late. i'm rambling. just wanted to rant a bit and update my sitch.