I ended up calling my w on Tuesday, we finally touched based on Wednesday.
@2 - She did leave a message both times. So I decided to call her back and get it over with. I knew what was coming. I braced for it.
I've sat on it for a few days so I'm sure the conversation is jumbled.
She asked me why the check was for a lesser amount than what she stated. I said it was because I was only going to pay the Cobra amount and that I wasn't going to pay the "family fee" the insurance added. She said we should split it, I said no.
She asked me about December. I said I was NOT going to pay for it. Basically reinstated that she did this illegally and although she said she didn't know, I didn't feel that I should pay for her mistake.
She asked about a bunch of different things. I did my best to keep my answers short. I did not back down.
I started alot of my sentences with "I understand that you are frustrated"
Finally she got p!ssed off enough to tell me that I was "making blanket decisions without talking to her and that what it wasn't just about me".
Oh man.. what nerve... I can't believe she said that. But I said. "Ok". I still held my ground.
I reiterated that I would sign the papers when I was ready. I reiterated about the car.
I finally said "W, I've told you these things before. Nothing has changed since our last conversation".
Her response "You act like we talk all the time, I maybe talk to you once a month".
It got to a point where she told me that I couldn't hold on forever. At one point she said something and I said.
"I know this is hard for you, but please don't talk to me that way".
Her response "I'm speaking to you the way you are to me.. you could change your tone too".
We went back and forth.. more of the same. Then she got so mad, she hung up on me.
In that moment, I should have let it go. In that moment, I should have moved forward.....
....but I didn't. I backslid. I called her back.
I apologized that she read my tone as harsh. I said that I was trying to communicate my thoughts but didn't really know how to do that other than how I was.
(urgh and bring out the 2x4s) I explained that she was frustrated and I knew that she had to pay money and wanted to move on.. but that I was moving as fast as I could... but it was a process.....
..and that even after all this and if we never spoke again, I was able to know in my heart that I did this process as loving as possible.
she thanked me for calling back. She said she didn't know how to communicate with me either. That she was trying to be patient and that the only reason she wants me to sign the papers now is because she has to pay the insurance.
My response was " I know you have been patience and I appreciate the space. I understand you have to pay $80 a month, and I'm sorry for that.. but it doesn't change my mind. I'll sign the papers when I'm ready. I need to think about me now and this is what is best for me".
She said she'll wait.. because her only other option is to take me to court and she didn't want to do that.
That was it.
** SMACK ***
I'll give myself a 2x4. Spill my guts much? Especially on deaf ears.
I said " You'll do what you have to do. We both will.
I did in my backsliding commit to taking care of everything when we did our taxes.
I explained to do it at once, get it over with, and move on. She was really silent before saying "ok" and ""well that's a date you can't back out of".
I don't know if that was smart, but I feel that's what needs to be done. She wants the D, and intellectually, I know it's what I need to.
Where my head will go, my heart will follow. This is no exception.
I have a bunch to say in my 48 hrs of processing.. but that's a 2nd post.
Thanks for listening.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
