Don't know which way to turn...

[Dazed11]

I've hinted at it a few times, for example: when we were discussing our R after the bomb, I said that while I understood how she felt about the M (not feeling the connection, the ILYB, etc) if that led to her becoming really close with anyone and leaning on anyone else for the emotional connection that she wasn't getting wtih me in the M, that I can understand why she would lean on someone else but I thought for the best chance for us to R the M, that she needed to put that other relationship on the back burner, so there would be room for our R to grow now that we are talking about more of the issues. She said that she had a few close friends who she talks to but no one that she is using to replace the lost connection between us. I left it at that. I felt I made my point and she understands how I feel and she will do (or not do) with it what she wants. I can't make her stop talking to the guy, especially because they were friends for years before the EA started.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I think the EA has either stopped or has greatly been reduced (or I've stopped snooping and haven't noticed). There was a couple times last fall where she said she was going someplace with one of her friends, and I know for a fact (due to my snooping) that she wasn't, so I would assume she was with him (no other reason to lie about who she was having dinner with). That kind of stuff has ended. She's a lot less secretive about where she's going and with who. She's online IMing a lot less (therefore a lot less with him). The texting has stopped (probably because she knows I can see it on the cell phone bill, even though I haven't checked in a few weeks, since I found this site and the DR book).

I don't plan on confronting her (she doesn't do well with confrontations to begin with) simply because I've made my thoughts known already, and if she really wants to work on us then she will stop the EA. Also, the things I'm doing now (the 180s and GALs) are for me and my sons, not for her.

I firmly believe that in time she will see the changes (she has commented on it a couple times already), recognize that M to me can and will be different, and decide (hopefully) that is what she wants and our M can be re-born. If those things happen, the EA will end on its own.