Too Little Too Late.... part 7

[purgatory]

Thanks guys for the 2x4 that whacked me back onto the right path.

2TP: You weren't too harsh, I appreciate your thoughts. In fact, I had started reading it before I noticed who posted... and I assumed it was 25- please take that as a compliment

Bug: I never realized it, but you're right. I *was* trying to do things to get a reaction. I guess I wanted to hear a 'you're great' or 'let me repay the favor' kind of things from him... but I didn't know that until I read your post. Thanks for giving me something to filter my actions through before I do them.

While reading all of y'alls words, I realized that I *let* my expectations grow b/c he's been so helpful and physically around me more often- but I let myself forget that he's not here b/c of feelings for *me*- he's here to help with the 8yo sitch. I let myself slip back into thinking we have a R, and therefore I let myself get hurt.

Reading back over my post- I wanted to smack myself with a 2x4!! I need to get back into my detached brain and compartmentalize reality from what my heart wants to see.

If you want him to know that you value/support his ability to do his job effectively then why all the second guessing and cynicism? Don't you see how that kind of thinking is limiting to your H feeling the full benefit of your actions? You may say one thing but if your actions say something else, then what's the point? Or, you may think a certain way but if your words or body language convey a different message, then you are gonna fail.

I totally get this, and you are absolutely right. How do I do it? I mean, I feel love and appreciation for him- but I am not in any position to express this to him- even from something as simple as a hug and kiss. I know there are other ways of expressing appreciation to people- but H's LL is physical touch, and he doesn't usually respond to a thank you note, or act of service like a special meal.... any ideas? Or are you going to tell me to do nothing at all?

I don't like that I'm so confused right now. I'm trying to review my copy of DB, but it's reading like it's in french or something- I've let myself get all twisted up and I don't know how to get back on track!!