Too Little Too Late.... part 7

[2thepoint]

First off, I want to say how greatly I admire you for taking the boy in. That is such a loving thing to do. And your H's help and your acknowledgment of it was spot on. No complaints from me in that regard!

"H responds with: "You're welcome. I just hope we both learn from this experience." Not sure how to take this response... any ideas??"

Accept it for what it is and don't try to read anything else into it.

"H was suposed to take the boys with him to the gym tonight (since it's his scheduled night), but he didn't want to take 8yo to an unfamiliar place since he's a little sensitive today... I offered to keep them while he was working out so that he didn't have to mess up his training schedule (I can hear someone fussing at me for giving up my night to support H)... He takes the baby and leaves me with the older boys- a much easier task to monitor. {here's where I need to learn to keep my mouth shut} As he's getting ready to leave, I told him that it wasn't fair that *I* should have to sacrifice my night, while *he* didn't have to change anything."

OK 2x4 headed your way. You offer to keep the boys but then when he agrees, you verbally beat him up for that?! Come on Purg, you ought to know better than that!

"He said: "so, you're mad that I accepted the offer that *you* gave me?!" A little more back and forth and I realized that I had kind of set him up in a way, and that I didn't really know what different outcome I had been hoping for, so I apologized and asked him what time he would be home so I could possibly do something when he got home. He told me 8:30 (normal time.)"

I think he had a right to be annoyed. You have to be careful to avoid setting traps for yourself that you then waltz right in to.

"Well guess what happened, he came home at 8! I know it's not monumentally early, but I acknowledged it and he smiled. BTW, I KNOW he didn't go to the gym b/c he was in the same clothes and didn't have the usual gym smell, so now my mind starts to wonder where he went for 1.5 hours- and still dropped the baby with the babysitter... but I never asked."

What does it matter? He came home early, probably felt guilty because of your comment and did something different for 1.5 hours. You gotta stop the self sabotage, Purg!

"While i was driving around, I realized that yesterday and today's events really make me appreciate H and how he's always been the rock in our family when things get rough, which led to lovey feelings for him, which led to me missing him. I really miss being able to hug/kiss him whenever the mood strikes me and knowing that he loves me back."

Then you have to watch your words and actions that tell a completely different story than what you said above ^^^^.

"{someone get out the 2x4} As I was writing this, I heard the baby start crying really bad, and H was struggling to calm him down. I let it go one for 20 minutes, but couldn't take it anymore. I offered for H to sleep in the guest room and I would take care of baby. He apologized for waking me up (guess he doesn't know that I've developed insomnia?) and he took me up on my offer. Now some of you may say that I was doing the old Purg thing and 'taking control' and 'solving problems' for H- but honestly my motivation was this: H has to be at work at 5:00 everyday, so his sleep is important. *I* don't have to work tomorrow. *H* didn't get much sleep last night since the detectives and CPS were at the house until 12:30am, and he really struggled to stay awake at work today. So, I view this as a NEW Purg thing: I put his needs above mine and by doing so, let him know that I value/support his ability to do his job effectively. Well, at least I *hope* that's what he'll think.... [color:#FF0000]although, him thinking that he got away with not having to deal with the baby is more likely, oh-well[/color]."

If you want him to know that you value/support his ability to do his job effectively then why all the second guessing and cynicism? Don't you see how that kind of thinking is limiting to your H feeling the full benefit of your actions? You may say one thing but if your actions say something else, then what's the point? Or, you may think a certain way but if your words or body language convey a different message, then you are gonna fail.

Does this make sense? I hope I'm not coming across to harshly.